A Leap of Faith

Reunited

A whole week had passed and I had spent it slipping in and out of consciousness and writing notes to Jessie. Dr Robbins was by far the best doctor in the hospital as she ferried the notes back and forth between our two rooms. It was the day of my review and she had cleared her schedule in order to stay with me whilst some bullshit therapist decided what actions to take regarding me and Jessie. He sat in the chair by my side and Dr Robbins perched on the end of my bed. He cleared his throat and leant forwards, trying his best to look sympathetic but instead just looked like he had gas. “How are you feeling?” he asked, tilting his head to the side. “Great,” I said flatly, not having any inclination whatsoever to talk to him. He let out a long sigh, realising that he would have to get straight to the point.

“Usually you would have been referred to psych a lot earlier in the week, but given that you were frequently unconscious due to pain medication I thought it best to leave your review until now.”

“What about Jessie?” he should have seen that question coming a mile off.

“Jessica refused to talk to anyone until you were better, so she is being reviewed today. This way any treatment you partake in you will go through together, seeing as that is the only way she would comply.”

“Don’t call her that.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“Call her Jessie. Only I call her Jessica. She’ll knock you out if she hears you saying it,” I said bluntly. It was a tiny thing, but everything about this man seemed to bug me and I wasn’t going to hold back in pointing out his flaws. He smirked and said, “I called her Jessica earlier in the week when I tried to talk to her.”

“Probably why she’s not talking back to you then,” I said, and the smirk disappeared.

“Okay let’s get back on track. Now that you are stable enough to be discharged from the paediatric unit you will be moved to a psychiatric ward tonight, as will Jessie. You will stay there for 72 hours of observation and then once that time is up a team of doctors will meet to decide whether or not you need longer treatment.”

“You can’t do that!” I shouted and felt the tears burn in my eyes, threatening to spill out. Dr Robbins put a calming hand on my leg as the beeping on my heart monitor quickened. The therapist stared me down and said, “You tried to kill yourself Eva – and that is not something to be taken lightly!”

“Okay, that’s enough,” Dr Robbins spoke up, “She knows what she has to do, I will get her over to psych for 7pm, now can you please leave. She may be stable away from the machines but her heart is still repairing itself and unless you want her to stay here for another week, I would suggest that you go now.” The therapist begrudgingly stood up and walked out the room, brushing down his suit as he left. I smiled gratefully at Dr Robbins and could feel my heartbeat slow to a rhythmic pattern as I calmed down. When the bullet had hit me, it had missed my heart but the force of it had ruptured some sort of valve, and that needed to be repaired. I’d had all the surgeries I’d needed and now it was on the mend, but because of the positioning of the wound I would need to take it easy from now on. I had to learn what my limits were and accept that doing too much in a day would tire me out.

“I have to go and check on my interns,” Dr Robbins said breaking the silence, “And then I’ll go and see Jessie. By that time she’ll probably have been told what’s going to happen, and I’ll let her know that you’ll see her tonight at seven.” I said goodbye and my head became filled with the thought of seeing Jessie again. We had been writing non-stop but it wasn’t enough. I needed to hear her voice, see her beautiful face and entrancing eyes, become intoxicated by her natural scent, touch her delicate hands and feel the taste of her lips against mine. I sat in the now empty room thinking over how bad things could possibly be in the psychiatric ward. In movies you always saw a psych ward as a place full of freaks who try to escape and kill everyone. Then again, Dr Robbins had promised to visit as much as her schedule would allow, so it wasn’t all bad.

With difficulty I moved my legs off the side of the bed and pulled myself onto my feet. Spending so long immobile in a bed had made my limbs very weak, and so I wasn’t exactly the fastest of walkers. I shuffled around the room several times to stretch, and even that took up a whole hour. Dr Robbins had taught me how to play solitaire to keep myself entertained, but once that got boring I settled for lying in my bed, staring at the ceiling. I began to daydream about the bridge, and how I would return to it the second I got out of this place. As long as I’m alive I could never be happy, only when I’m dead and able to be with Jessie would I be truly content.

My thoughts were interrupted as the blonde doctor walked back through the door, and I realised that it was half six already. “You ready?” she asked, but she already knew the answer. I’d been ready for days – not to go to the psychiatric ward but to see Jessie. “Does it take half an hour to get there?” I asked, noticing her promptness.

“No,” she replied, “But come with me anyway.” She helped me to my feet and respectfully turned away as I pulled some clothes on in place of my gown. All my clothes were already in a bag which Dr Robbins insisted on carrying for me, and we headed out of the room. We followed various signs pointing towards the psych ward, but instead of following the sign up the stairs Dr Robbins stopped outside a wooden door. Before I could ask if something was wrong, she opened the door and gestured for me to go inside. Confused, I complied and wandered into an empty room. “This is an on-call room,” she said, and I opened my mouth to ask what on Earth I was doing in there but she left before I had the chance. I sat on the bed awkwardly wondering if I was supposed to have followed her, but nevertheless remained in the room. About five minutes later the door swung open again and in came Dr Robbins followed by Jessie.

I leapt up and the paediatric surgeon said, “You have ten minutes before we need to head off. I just thought you might want some time alone before we got there.” She closed the door and stood guard outside. Meanwhile I couldn’t take my eyes of Jessie – her brunette hair fell in a perfectly messy way on her shoulders, her nose stud glinted in the light, and her left arm hung loosely in a sling. “Are you…?” I began.

“I’m okay now,” she said, taking a few steps forward until we were inches apart. I stood up and my lips ghosted over hers, hesitant to move. She placed her hand on my arm and it was as if every single barrier fell down, and this time I didn’t pause for a moment as our lips crashed together in an urgency to feel each other again. I felt her push me back onto the bed and I lay down, watching her body curve above mine. Tentatively she rested her bad arm on my stomach and I made a mental note to be extremely careful of it. Knowing we only had ten minutes we didn’t go any further than a very heavy make out session, with a lot of touching on both our parts. There was a sharp knock on the door as a time warning and we pulled apart, panting. “I’ve missed you,” I breathed out.

“I know,” Jessie replied. We knew exactly how each other had been doing due to the constant letter writing, so there was no need to catch up on news. Reluctantly she stood up and reached out a hand, pulling me on to my feet as well. We walked out of the on call room hand in hand, and I gripped on tightly because I knew that now we were actually heading to a psych ward, and I was petrified. I could feel Jessie’s nerves as she reciprocated the tight grip, and as we walked up the stairs Dr Robbins explained, “I know that neither of your parents will be willing to come and visit, but I will. I’ll come and see you both as much as possible. Just remember that not everyone there is out to get you.”

We reached the doors leading to the ward and the dick-head therapist from earlier waited on the other side of them. Breaking the doctor-patient barrier, Dr Robbins gave both of us a hug not caring about the rules. I felt tears form in my eyes – I was scared of where I was going and of where I was leaving behind. She gave us an encouraging, magic smile before handing us over to the therapist and retreating back down to paediatrics. I clutched onto Jessie’s hand even tighter, because this was it. We were going to stay here for at least three days, and I honestly don’t think I could survive without her.