You don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world, old man, but you do have some say in who hurts you. I like my choices. I hope she likes hers.
I do, Augustus.
I do.
Tears roll down my eyes. They always do, whenever i read this novel. Its the 8th time in one month that i have finished reading this novel. What makes me cry is , probably, the fact that i too am in the last stage of cancer and wonder whether i could get an augustus waters' ever.
Don't think that i am a 16 year old cancer patient. No, no, definitely not! I am a 27 year old married woman, mother of a 4-year old girl. I discovered that i have cancer only 4 months ago. And my world came shattering down like a house of cards. My husband started ignoring me . Later on i came to know that he is worried for the expenses that would be generated in my treatment. We had been married for 4 and a half years. He is a handsome young man of 30 years . why should he bear the burden of an ailing wife. He has the full right to enjoy his life. Marry again. Have kids. Lead a content life , . So i decided to separate from him. He agreed in a go when I told him that ...I knew he was never bothered neither about me nor our daughter . I offered to take our daughter with me, he agreed on that too. I just had two conditions for him.
1. He would remarry only after my death
2. If anyone from my family enquired, he wouldn't let them know that we are not together.
Reason for the conditions was that i belong to a middle class family and i have a younger brother who is still studying. If my family comes to know that i am not doing well, they will spend all their savings on my treatment in hope that i would be cured but i know it is impossible. I just have 4-5 months in my hand , at the max 6 months, that's it.I was thankful to my husband for at least he got me registered in a cancer care and rehabilitation center, where i am presently living with my daughter.
My cancer is of a very specific and unique kind. I don't even know , what triggered it. From last one year, i would have blood falling from my nose every now and then. I ignored it as i was too busy managing my house. Then i even found small pieces of flesh falling along with the blood. I ignored even then, but when the problem aggravated i had to see a doctor. When he checked ,initially, he scolded me and my husband , that how could we be so careless. After a minor operation, sample was sent for test and then after a few days i was informed that i am on the last stage of cancer. The cancer is growing from my nasal cavity to wind pipe and moving towards my lungs. I started having breathing problems. Here in this institute, the doctors suggested me to breathe through my mouth. Its a temporary solution as i know i would choke one day and die.
A few days back i underwent a session of chemotherapy.
Expenses were borne by the cancer institute in which i live. They find my case unique and take special care of me. the chemotherapy has decreased the pace of the growth of the cancer cells but has taken away my hair...my beautiful long hair...that i had treasured all my life. The chemotherapy has increased my life span for a few more days.
I don't regret the fact that i am dying, but the only thing that worries me , is my daughter. What will happen to her, once i die? Death will give me relief from all my pains, whether physical or emotional, but what about my daughter? Who will take care of her? She is so innocent , so mature for her age. She isn't like other kids of her age, who make their mother run around the house to feed them. She obeys me like a robot. Probably, she understands my condition..i am too worried for her. That's why i have asked dr.Sanya to look for a suitable guardian for my daughter. I will give her for adoption. That seems to be the best thing to do. Probably someone else would give her the care and security which i failed to give.
Presently, my daughter is sitting in one corner of the room, and playing with her dolls. Talking to them. She looks towards me with her twinkling eyes and flashes her beautiful smile. But then she sees me crying and comes to me with her shaky steps. She reaches on the bed after a lot of struggle and wipes my tears with her cute little fingers.
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"momma aap klu lo lahi hain?? Maine koi badmashi ni ki...i plomich" she pinches her throat to vouch for her innocence. I remove her hands from her throat, shaking my head.
"no beta, apne koi badmashi ni ki...mai bas ye book padh kar ro rahi thi...but i am fine now..see" i said and smiled ear to ear for her. She smiled too.
"ok mamma" she said and hopped down the bed making her own sounds and speeches.
...
My room door flung open revealing a panting navya, i mean DR. Sanya
"Anokhi...he has come to see Raina " she said breathing heavily. I nodded and got up from the bed.
"Raina beta chalo...uncle ae hain apse milne" Sanya spoke picking up Raina in her arms. Raina looked at me for approval and also to see if i was accompanying her. I smiled and nodded. So she encircled her arms around Dr . Sanya's neck.
Sanya had informed me that one of her friends, named Shaurya Sabherwal was interested in adopting Raina . I had done a lot of background check and it wasn't difficult as he was one of the business tycoons of the country. He has suffered one failed marriage to with Miss Shagun and he is single right now.
