For the love and vampires

chapter eight

"If we're going to do this, we have to be all in."

"And by we you mean me? Right." I mean I get it; I was the one who took longer to come to their senses.

"Vampires don't just have relationships. When we find our person that's it, for life."

"Hah, like penguins." That's kinda cute

"Osch, I've literally never had a girlfriend before. I've never cared enough about one person to have a relationship. I would literally die for you. By being in this relationship I am devoting my whole self to you."

"And what? You don't think I feel the same?" kind of a kick in the face but we persevere.

"Majority of our conversations consist of you being cold and sarcastic and low key threatening and mocking me and my family." Look she's not wrong.

"Yeah, that might be true. But just because I can't look you in the eyes every day and outwardly say I devote the entirety of myself and soul to you doesn't mean I love you any less."

"But why can't you do that?"

"It's a long story." And it really fucking was.

"Look I get it everyone has a past that they don't want to talk about."

"No will. You don't get it. You've had over three hundred years to overcome your trauma. You have had multiple lifetimes to avenge and seek justice. And you've got it . The people that hurt you are long dead. The people that hurt me are still alive. I will never be able to tell them how much they hurt and impacted me . I haven't even had 12 months to process the brutality that I was put through let alone 300 years. And I am so sorry that the shit I went through impacts you in anyway. But there is not much that I can do about that."

"I'm sorry ocean, but I don't know what you went through, and until I do I don't think I'll ever really comprehend how it affects our relationship. I know it was bad, but it's over now."

"I am not ready to talk about any of it in great detail. And I don't want to give you just a bit of the story. But I was diagnosed with PTSD and adjustment disorders. What that means is that while my body can comprehend that 'it is over now' my mind can't. My mind goes into every situation thinking that it's dangerous. It looks at everyone and sees pain and cruelty.

"And that's not fair to you , because you have only shown me kindness and warmth. And eventually those barriers will come down, but you just have to be patient . And if you can't, if it's too much than you have to go. You can't be selfish and stay until it gets too hard and then bail. If you think it's too much you have to leave. It will just hurt too much if you stay." 

"My life, I am not going anywhere , I will not leave your side, I don't care how hard it gets . I am here ." God I hoped so.

"Thank you." I managed to choke out, tears making their way steadily down my face.

"You said you loved me." William teasingly said whilst she held me in her arms. Wiping away my tears.

"You said you'd die for me."

"Any day."

"I'd kill a bitch for you."

"Jesus." she whispers shaking her head, "What am I going to do with you?"

"Love me anyway?" I suggest teasingly

"Well obviously." 

--

At first I was scared, like really scared, of our relationship. I spent the whole weekend just overthinking to the freakin max. It was exhausting. So, by the time Sunday family dinner came, I walked down the stairs looking a hot freakin mess, and it showed.