Varian x Reader Oneshots

Varian x Sad! Reader

This is kind of angsty only because I need to get some feelings out

Tw for unrequited love and angst 

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Your pov

I walked outside the town looking at all the different birds flying in the sky.

It was a beautiful day out.

But no amount of beauty could distract me from this feeling of emptiness.

I stop off at the sweetshop to be greeted by a cheerful Monty and I smiled back even though I didn't feel like it.

I ended up not buying anything because the thought of eating anything remotely sweet made me sick to my stomach.

In don't know why I feel like this.

I just do.

I was fine a few days ago at he expo...for the most part.

I thought it was fun at first and Varian said he'd present his project with me but he left me backstage alone to go talk to Cassandra.

I felt bad because when he got back he apologized and I got upset with him and I've been avoiding him and trying to push him away.

I just feel like he'd be happier with someone else as his friend.

Anyone else.

I feel like a burden that he has to carry. I want Varian to be happy and I know that he's better off without me so I'm trying to push him away even if that means I'll be left standing alone. I can tell he's getting sick of me. I don't want to leave him but I have to do it before he does it to me. 

Not a good enough explanation for you? Okay... 

I guess you could say that I have a crush on him.

I know he doesn't like me back because why would he? I don't want to pretend we have something but I do and I can't keep living a lie every time I see him.

I hear people joke about how we're a couple or that we're in love and at first it was funny but after while I couldn't handle it.

It hurt too much.

So here I am, sitting in my room, trying to cry by standing in front of the mirror.

The more I looked the worse I felt. I had to do something about Varian.

I ended up not doing anything about him. Well, not anything good.

I looked at the mess I had become in the mirror blankly, not knowing what to do with my life

I cried until I felt like puking.

time skip to the next day

I opened my window to hear sounds of people walking around town and laughing. I was reminded of Varian.

I covered my arms and left the house to maybe apologize to Varian. Empathize on maybe apologize to Varian.

I want to but I don't know how and I'm scared he'll never forgive me and he has a right to do so because I've been a terrible person and I haven't explained anything and he doesn't need to worry about me but I kind of wish he thought about me outside of our conversations. I wish he cared about me the same way I care about him. I'd give up anything for him you know? And he doesn't feel the same way which makes sense I don't need him to trade his life for mine but I just wonder if he looks at something and thinks "Wow, that is so Y/N," or he'll read a book and say "They would love this," Or maybe even bring me up in a conversation with someone else and say "Oh yeah, Y/N is really great," But I know he doesn't because I'm me and he's himself. He's the closest thing I've ever felt to love and I threw it all away because I just want him to be happy and I know I'm not the one who'll make him feel that way. I add nothing to his life but he adds everything to mine and it just doesn't add up the way it should...

I go to the outskirts of Old Corona in a field to collect my thoughts. I roll up my sleeves a little and pick at the scabs for some reason. I hear a voice behind me and fall off the hay bail I was once sitting on. 

It was Varian.

He looks at me awkwardly and smiles. I smile back then try to walk away. He stops me and his eyes navigate to mine and I quickly wipe the excess tears from my face.

"Hey Y/N," He begins. "Have you been...avoiding me?" He asks

I go silent and try to speak but I choke on my words. 

"It's ok if you have but I just want to go back to being friends with you, you know? I miss strolling through the town together geeking over alchemy and ow cute our son, Ruddiger, is," He chuckled.

no. Not again. 

He kept rambling on about all the fun times we shared and I broke with each memory.

"Varian," I whispered. "Please stop, it hurts to think..." I breathed.

"What do you mean?" He stepped closer and I stepped away from him, wrapping my arms around my torso, ignoring the stinging.

"I've been avoiding you because of this," 

"D-did I do something wrong Y/N?" He asked

"No, I did. I just-" I took a deep breath "Seeing you with Cassandra at the expo made me realize how much better your life would be without me in it...I'm trying to distance myself from you because I'm just keeping you from being happy." I confessed.

"Y/N...you're what makes my life so much better," He spoke, walking forward. "Can I hold...?" I saw he motioned to my hand and I nodded, trying not to cry. "Y/N, you're the light of my life! You're the most amazing, intelligent, note-worthy, person I know, Sunshine!"

"I- thanks Var..." I was happy to have Varian back but I need him to know the truth. "I need to tell you something,"

He kept holding my hand.

"I have feelings for you and I'm sorry." my voice cracked.

"Why are you sorry?" He asked, breaking the silence.

"I know you don't like me back...do you?" I asked him wanting an answer but knowing I couldn't handle it.

"..."

The wind rustled through our hair, my puffy sleeves and (dress or pants) flowing up.

"No." He confessed still holding my hands, obviously noticing the scratches. "And I wish I did, Y/N. You're incredible and I love you but not romantically..."

"It's because me? Isn't it?" I asked, my eyes focused on the ground to not cry. "It's because I'm not okay right?" Tears began rolling down my face.

"Of course not!" He spoke, lifting my chin a little. "I don't care that you have your problems because let's face it, I have my own..." I remembered the time I walked in on him sobbing in front of his dad who, at the time, was trapped in his own concoction. I thought of the time he tried taking over Corona. I saw the time I visited him in prison and he was curled in a ball, his eyes filled with fear and red from crying.

"Now don't get me wrong, I want you to feel better but I know that you're more than your mental health." He added.

I wrapped my arms around his waist and sank down sobbing hysterically.

"It'll be okay, Y/N, I'm here for you. Always have, and always will," He whispered.

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What do you do when you've been having something along the lines of a manic episode where you randomly break down trying to get the voices in your head to shush up for like five minutes?

YOU VENT THROUGH A FANFIC CHAPTER HAHAHAAHHAHAHA

anyways, 

Love y'all!

(also, I'm fine I just needed to make a joke out of it lolz)