Hell's Angel (EDITING)

13 - Marie | Snot nucleus

A/N: Sometimes I'm writing something so bad and a wave of shame absolutely engulfs me and I have to close my eyes for a moment and come to terms with the fact that this is just who I am. Anyway, try not to judge me after reading this... but I'll understand if you do
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I leaned over the sleeping human. He looked like he was having some trouble breathing.

Guilt flooded over me as I realized the cold I bestowed upon him had caused his tiny nose to get blocked up with a bunch of snot.

I screwed up my face in determination and hooked my pinky in there, trying to pull out an especially sticky piece. I couldn't very well let him die on my watch.

At least he didn't have any nose hairs so the snots were relatively easy to pick out. I think the shape of his nostrils perfectly fit the shape of my finger; it's like it was meant to be. I'm his fated snot picker.

He doesn't have any chest hairs either; I think he wants some though because I saw him peering at his chest in the mirror earlier and he just seemed to want them. I made a quick note to myself to source some for him later.

Anyway, the demon kept him occupied all day today and he didn't even do his homework. I was hoping he would, because I didn't do mine and I needed someone to copy off of. And I'm sure James will come by to distract him tomorrow as well. I'll have to take his books and do everything myself so that he won't get into trouble at school. It's so hard being an angel sometimes.

I grumbled to myself as I gathered up his undone work. Why do schools give so much work? Don't they realize that PEOPLE HAVE LIVES??!!!

I floated down the stairs disconcertedly and noticed Mr. Andrews having a peaceful nap on the couch. He was wearing a pair of shorts and had his hairy legs up on the coffee table. How unfair was it that he had so much while Andrew had so little. I went over to him and yanked out a big fistful of leg hairs and stuffed them in my pocket for later.

He was snoring really loudly with his mouth wide open and I was just itching to drop something in there. He was making monstrous sounds that were like something out of a horror movie.

I leaned in really close and peered into the gaping abyss. I could see his tonsils wobbling rhythmically every time he took in a thick, congested breath. I was awestruck in equal parts of horrid dread and utter fascination.

He snorted suddenly and loudly, gagging for a moment before he choked out a sticky flehm ball. It flew out of his throat and hit me with a resounding splat in the middle of my nose.

'Yerghhh,' I groaned, running to the kitchen to grab a roll of paper towels. The spittle was already making its way in a thick, steady stream down my nose. I dunked my head under the sink, turning the tap all the way to boiling hot so that it can cleanse me of my sins. Why do fun things always have to have such not-fun consequences?

I don't mind touching Andrew's snots but touching his dads was going a little too far. It's like, Andrew is my assigned human, right? So I'm liable to be in charge of his snots, because I'm supposed to protect every single part of him. Including the gross, sticky parts. As a pure and good Angel of Heaven, I view it as something holy rather than something to recoil from.

Once I was finally satisfied with my cleaning, I set off on my initial quest to get Andrew's homework done. I don't know how I got so distracted from it in the first place.

I wasn't going to do it myself of course, so I beamed myself up to heaven where I was hoping to procure the help of the bestest angel ever. Well, bestest after me.

Georgie graduated top of the class and she has to oversee hundreds of humans. I knew I'd find my best friend in the research facility at this time though; she's very meticulous when it comes to her research.

The research facility was basically a huge library containing personal files on every human ever. It had high ceilings covered in frescos, and stained-glass windows lined every wall, throwing colorful light on the dark, wooden floors. A warm glow enveloped me as I entered, and the smell of freshly baked cookies wafted into my nostrils.

Heaven looks and feels somewhat different to everyone, depending on what their perception of peace and serenity would be. But, I don't know why heaven always chooses to smell like cookies to me.

It's not even peaceful, it just makes me hungry.

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A/N: what's the collective noun for snot? Is it bunch of snot??! Idk! Comment if you have any ideas ¯\_(ツ)_/¯