BEING YOURS

CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

And even after realizing that I shouldn't feel that at that moment, I just couldn't leave her there alone.

Ever since then I tried every possible thing to kick her out and found fault in everything she did for no genuine reason.

But then we came back together and she made me realize, I didn't have to be so scared of having someone around to care for me. I didn't have to not love her, I didn't have to be so boring and she showed me the goodness there was in living, in appreciating life.

And we've been so beautiful Dad, you gave me all I ever wanted as Amira. She's everything to me and more cos by Allah, I could lose almost everything and everyone as far as I have her with me.

I was willing to receive treatment if that'd make her happy. I was willing to live just to make her happy.

But now... everything has changed. Mama isn't here with me, you're not here with me and worse still... my princess isn't here with me.

I was okay Dad, very okay after Mama left but then... I divorced her.

By Allah I was more hurt than anybody could imagine, my life and everything it's worth was suddenly useless without Amira in it.

But I had to, or so I thought, but at that moment it seemed like the best thing to do. I thought I could handle not having her around, I thought since we knew each other for just a year, it won't be so hard to move on and just cherish the little we shared but I was wrong.

I should never have let her go, I should've fought for us Dad. I should have fought for our love but I messed up, again, I ruined everything.

With the way I behaved with her that day, I'm sure Amira won't care to even see me even if I'm taking my last breath. She won't care if I'd fall dead today.

I was a coward Dad, and it hurts that I gave them what they wanted, it hurts letting my Amira go just because someone threatened me to.

I feel so stupid knowing very well who took my Mama away from me but I'm still doing nothing.

But they threatened to hurt more people Dad, even though I and Amira were the target for the car accident but they're still not relenting. I can't believe how heartless people have become.

And I could kill them Dad, lawfully or not but right now, I'm wasted. I can't even feel anymore without Amira with me.

I really could stop them but nothing is worth fighting for since I couldn't even fight for my love.

Fuck whatever's gonna happen Dad, my days on earth are numbered, if I'm not killed or I kill myself, I'm still as good as dead.

You won't believe what I've been up to since after Amira, you wanna know what I'm doing right now while writing this? I'm having my fourth bottle of liquor, funny right?

But no matter how drunk, no matter how high, I can't just get her out of my head. She's always there, she's always persistent.

I wish I could talk to her Dad, even once before I leave to at least hear her voice, one last time and tell her, tell her how much I truly badly terribly insanely in love with her I am Dad.