many people have said they love me in my life. i was raised in a family where the phrase was thrown around carelessly and freely. I think that's why i think no one loves me. being raised like that with a heavy hand behind the words and even worse words to precede the i love you, it makes it hard to believe those three stupid words. i used to say it to all my friends, i wanted them to feel loved, but every time they would answer it felt forced and like i was forcing them to say them. when i was dating my first girlfriend, she said i love you to me so many times a day i think it lost the meaning farther. i know she said it of her own valuation, but it just felt like it was what we we were supposed to do, not because she really loved me the way she said. my best friend is not one for feelings and emotions so i say i love you and she responds with get out and it's a joke and i do the same to her if she ever says it. but i don't think she loves me. i don't think anyone in my life has ever really loved me. i think that i have always been alone and will always be alone because no one loves me and no one will ever love me. i might be the cause of my own problems because i can't let anyone in because everything feels insincere. nothing feels real. love is definitely real, i feel it everyday in concerning overwhelming waves, i just think it's not made to be given to me.
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everything sucks
Poetrythis is just my thoughts about my gender moment and frustrations with identifying as non-binary in hopes maybe if anyone finds it, they won't feel quite as alone as i do. also quite a lot of me just being sad and empty. it's really depressing, i'm r...
