Tevun-Krus #100

16 - The Alien on Random Nerdness - @wdhenning - First Contact

The Alien on Random Nerdness

By wdhenning

When the aliens landed on Earth, people either believed they came to befriend us or to kill us. No one thought about the third possibility.

My vlog, 'Random Nerdness', broadcasted live from the spare bedroom in my Mom's house,where I lived as a COVID-19 economic refugee. It was not the most popular of YouTube videos. In fact, even a channel dedicated to open mouth chewing performance art had more views. That all changes today. Today I am interviewing an alien, not the kind like from Mexico, but one from outer space.

The alien landed his flying saucer on the front yard. My mom will be pissed when she sees what it did to her flowers. The creature reclining in a chair was short, green, but with a large oval head and two wiggly antenna. Everything about this was cliché.

The alien vessels in orbit preempted everything else in the news. Talking heads argued ad nauseam about their intent. Some felt an invasion was imminent, others thought there would be an interspecies group hug.

My girlfriend watched from the sidelines while operating the video camera that I got at a garage sale. Her hair color of the week, neon-green, clashed with her pink 'Empowered Woman' tank top. I wished she wouldn't pop her bubble gum during the broadcast.

I continued the interview. "So, you don't kidnap humans and probe them anymore?"

The alien spoke in beeps and warbles. A handheld device translated the sounds into tinny speech. "Oh, no. That disgusting trend died out decades ago."

"I see."

Motions outside the window caught my eye. A fleet of dark SUV's skidded to a stop in the street. Men in black suits and sunglasses jumped out. Probably a result of the flying saucer on the front lawn.

"Greeb, our time may be cut short, but I am curious. Why did you come to me to do this interview?"

Greeb leaned back, interlacing his three-fingered hands. "Your vlog is super popular on our world, especially your musings about the Star Wars fictional universe. I thought it would be fun."

I jumped as the men crashed through the front door. Within three seconds, six grim-faced agents surrounded us with guns drawn.

My girlfriend got in front of a tall agent built like a linebacker. "You can't do this! We have rights!"

The agent snarled. "Zip it, girlie."

Uh, oh...

She narrowed her eyes to slits, clenching her fists. "Better buckle up, buttercup. You just flipped my bitch switch."

I struggled to hold back ninety-eight pounds of female fury. We didn't need to add assault of a federal agent to our problems.

An agent bent down to look Greeb in his big black eyes. "Let me be direct, alien, what is your people's interest in the Earth?"

"Did you not know? Earth is hugely popular among the Federation Worlds. It could become the biggest reality show ever, like the Kardashians of the galaxy. I have come to offer a contract for exclusive broadcasting rights with all the perks. Would you take me to your leader?"