𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐄𝐂𝐑𝐄𝐓 𝐃𝐈𝐀𝐑𝐘 𝐎𝐅 𝐃𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐎 𝐌𝐀𝐋𝐅𝐎𝐘

Chapter 11

I suddenly realised that Harry was still talking, and guiltily refocused on our conversation. "...And obviously it would be nice to get somewhere in London together, but then I've always had this fantasy about a little country cottage as well. I guess that's because of my parents. Obviously I don't remember living in Godric's Hollow, but I've seen photos and it looked lovely. You know, they got married a year after leaving school? I always thought that they were so lucky. I mean, what are the chances of finding the person you want to be with for the rest of your life at our age? I never thought that the same thing would happen to me, yet here I am!" He wrapped his arms around me and gave me a kiss.

I was too stunned to respond properly. I mean, was Harry seriously saying that he wants to be with me for the rest of his life? Wow. I mean, obviously I was thrilled that he was that serious about me. But then it got me thinking. The rest of our lives. That is potentially a very long time. Nobody else, just each other, for the rest of our lives. We're only seventeen! Surely it's too early to be thinking about that kind of thing? And then, what about me? As much as I hate to admit it, Blaise is right. I used to be such a player, and... now I'm ready to settle down? Am I really? What will people think? Am I just consigned to being 'Harry Potter's Boyfriend' for the rest of my life?

Harry noticed that I was being a bit weird, but I just told him that I had indigestion and ran off. Now I've eaten a load of pastry and I really do have indigestion. And I'm all gassy, which doesn't help with the stress. Bloody hell, why am I being such an idiot? I love Harry and I certainly don't want to break up with him, so why am I freaking out over this? It's not like I haven't indulged in a few fantasies about the two of us being together forever.

It was just hearing it out loud like that. Knowing that it could actually happen. And then, what if Harry gets bored with me? What if I get fat? What if some bronzed Italian hunk comes along and sweeps him off his feet? Oh, and I've still got Blaise and his bitchy comments of doom hanging over my head.

Not literally – that would be hideous.

Sunday 10th April.

Dear Diary,

I think I've just about overcome my little episode last week. I mean, it was really stupid of me. I want to be with Harry, so why should I care about what other people think? I seem to be pathologically unable to just enjoy what I've got without making some hideous drama out of everything. Harry's being a bit weird. I think he might have realised that I got scared when he was talking about our future together, and now he's embarrassed. I keep really over-compensating by going on and on about how much I want us to always be together, which probably isn't helping. It probably wasn't such a great idea to have Vince and Greg make me a big heart-shaped cake with little icing figurines of me and Harry on top, either. I think Ron ended up eating it. I guess we should probably talk about it at some point, but I can't seem to overcome my tendency to avoid and suppress my problems then obsess about them as soon as I'm alone.

I think even Pansy's starting to get fed up with me. She's being a bit weird at the moment. She's taken to wearing red lipstick and a beret all the time. Whenever she's questioned about this, she invariably replies, "My boyfriend's an artist, I have to look the part!" The fact that Dean always goes around in jeans and a t-shirt when he's not in his school uniform doesn't seem to matter. Also, I would remind her that designing a few Gryffindor banners and passing amusing caricatures of our professors around in class doesn't exactly make him the next Leonardo Da Vinci, but I think Pansy might hit me. I'll keep an eye on her. If she starts going around in a kimono with a cigarette holder, I'll intervene.

Later.

I'm in the library with Harry, Pansy and Dean right now. I'm supposed to be doing my homework, but I have another horrible Arithmancy worksheet to do and it's making my brain hurt. So now I'm writing this behind the cover of my textbook, hoping that no one will notice.