𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐄𝐂𝐑𝐄𝐓 𝐃𝐈𝐀𝐑𝐘 𝐎𝐅 𝐃𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐎 𝐌𝐀𝐋𝐅𝐎𝐘

Chapter 1

I'm kind of starting to regret shagging Blaise last year. I mean, obviously he's gorgeous, with his big dark eyes and his chocolaty skin, but he really is the most maddening bint I think I have ever met. Not to mention a slag. I suppose I just got desperate really. I mean, I was only a couple of months off my seventeenth birthday and I was still technically a virgin. I had planned to wait until I met the perfect person. Yes, I know, that sounds disgustingly romantic, but to be honest it was a matter of self respect. I am accustomed to only having the best, and I was hardly going to jump into bed with just anyone. Sadly, the only guy I was really interested in bats for the away team, and Blaise was just there. I thought that, you know, at least he's good looking, and it's not like I want him for conversation or anything. So yeah, I shagged him. It was alright I suppose. I mean, he's quite flexible, but he always expected me to do all the work and then he'd just lie there. I wanted someone who was willing to worship me.

It could never have lasted anyway. For one, I find it difficult to be in the same room as him for more than ten minutes without wanting to throttle him with his own man-scarf; and for another, he was demanding, narcissistic and self-involved. I feel that there is only room for one person like that in a relationship, and I like that person to be me. He was a bit pissed off when I ended it, but he seemed to move on pretty quickly: he keeps parading his other conquests in front of me thinking that I'll get jealous. I don't. Stupid git.

Tuesday 3rd September.

Dear Diary,

You know what? I used to really enjoy Arithmancy back when we were doing our O.W.L.s. People always looked at me like I was really clever when I said I was studying it and... I was really clever! I was the best in the class! But now, now, because of reduced numbers, all the houses have been smooshed together which means that there is yet another class where I have to share oxygen with Hermione bloody Granger. And now I'm not top of the class any more. I still know all of the answers, but miss fancy-pants-know-it-all always gets in there first. Now Professor Vector is giving her that special smile that is reserved only for me. It's too depressing.

Oh, and talking of insufferable womenfolk, I almost had to kill Pansy earlier. We were leaving the hall after dinner and, alright, I may have glanced over at the Gryffindor table a few times. I was being subtle about it though and I didn't think anyone had noticed, but then Pansy comes skipping up and throws her arm around my shoulder.

"Sooooo, how's that hugely inappropriate crush on Potter working out for you?"

You know how she has that really penetrating voice? Argh! I seriously thought I was going to have to kill her. Fortunately we were the only ones leaving at that particular moment so I don't think anyone heard. All the same, I really wish she didn't know that particular snippet of information about me. She is annoyingly perceptive.

The thing is, I usually have no problem with people knowing about my crushes. I mean, obviously I'm gorgeous and I've always managed to get anyone I want in the past. The problem here is that Pansy is right. This particular crush is really inappropriate. And the most tragic thing is that I know Potter would turn me down if he ever found out. He likes girls. Oh yeah, and he hates me – through no fault of my own, I might add. I'm just a very honest person and I'm not afraid to give an opinion. My mum says that it's a good thing. It's hardly my problem if I've upset a few of his friends along the way. They shouldn't be so sensitive.

Okay, okay, so if I'm completely honest I may have said a few mean things to him and tried to get him into detention a couple of times and gone out of my way to insult his friends in the hope of provoking them. Oh, and that one time I slipped a laxative in his Pumpkin Juice. But I only did that to get his attention; surely he can see that? Urgh, he can be so dense; I don't know why I like him so much. But I do.