The Rampage MC #1: Levi/Chain and Genny

Chapter 7: I Would Have Kept Your Secrets

I'd awakened to pounding on my door and realized, after days of not much sleep, I'd fallen asleep on the couch watching TV. The pounding continued so I moved groggily to the door and flung it open, annoyed with whoever was on the other side disturbing the first serious rest I'd gotten in days.

Levi stood in front of me, his eyes a bit wild, his face tense, but otherwise looking good. He pushed his way past me, stomping into my living room and turning back to face me.

Still waking up, I could only blink at him as my foggy mind tried to form words. Before I could say anything, he was on me, his mouth slamming down on mine, one hand in my hair, the other on my ass, pulling me tightly to him as his mouth ravaged mine, over and over again. Instinctively, my hands went  to his face, sliding past his beard and up into his hair. Unsure if it was minutes or hours later, he broke the kiss, his hands moving to frame my face as his eyes bore into mine.

"I can talk now, Genny."

And he did. He talked and talked and talked, pouring out a story of drugs, danger and betrayal, putting into perspective the last five months of pain and why what had happened...happened. I could barely keep up with his words, my brain was processing so fast, and I wanted to beg him to slow down. But it was as if once he'd started, he couldn't stop the flow of words erupting from him, words he'd been keeping inside for so long.

When Levi finished explaining everything, he looked at me hopefully, expectantly...and I could see the toll the difficult months had taken on him. There was no denying this man cared deeply for me, that he'd taken the course he had to protect me, this town, his club. It was so much to take in, the color he was providing to what had been a black and white picture. I felt like I was struggling to draw breath, his words had hit me so hard.

But despite his reasons, there was also one basic truth there was no denying: he'd kept me in the dark for all this time because what he was doing fell under club business. He'd chosen the brotherhood and their rules over me. One simple conversation could have saved me from months of excruciating heartache and despair.

"Genny, are you going to say something?"

"I don't...honestly, I'm not sure what to say."

"Say you understand."

I thought about that for a moment. 

"But I don't, Levi. I don't understand how you think the way you handled it was OK. You made a choice to let me suffer rather than let me know what was going on. You kissed Jerica, you gave her my ring, you let me think you were engaged to her -- and, as if that wasn't enough, you let me think you didn't love me for months."

I looked him in the eye to let him see exactly how much that had cost me. Now I was gathering steam, letting the months of supposed betrayal and pain flood out of that deeply hurt, dark place inside of me.

"And you justify my pain by saying it was club business. How is that OK, Levi? You broke my heart over and over because your brothers and club business came first. What in that scenario should make me come running back to you?"

"Genny, I told you --"

"No, you made excuses to absolve yourself of responsibility. I'm just collateral damage for you, but this is my life and you destroyed me because you didn't trust me like you trust your brothers. The ends do not justify the means, Levi."

I could see his eyes narrowing as he realized I was not going to play priest and wipe away his sins that he'd confessed. I absolutely understood that they'd needed to flush out the rats and stop the deadly drug from ruining our town, but I would never understand why I had to be hurt in the process.

"I would have kept your secrets, Levi. You know how much I loved you, how much I despised Jerica. I would have played along. But you never gave me that choice. You decided not to trust me with something that directly affected me."

"I couldn't, Genevieve. You know we can't discuss club business --"

"I wasn't club business!" I shouted at him. "I was your fiancee, and you didn't love me enough to clue me in and save me months of excruciating pain."

"I did this because of how much I love you!" he yelled back at me. "I did this to protect you, Genny. I couldn't tell you what was going on for your own safety."

Realizing I wasn't going to get through to him, I shook my head. "You could have told me everything, and I would have had your back. You could have saved me from suffering, but you didn't. I understand club business, Levi. I really do. But what was between you and me...that was our business. You shut me out, and that's something I can't just forget."

"Swear to god, I am not losing you over this. You still owe me a wedding, Genny."

"It's too late, Levi. You put me through hell, and I can't spend my life worrying that I'm always going to come second in my husband's life, or that you might be asked to do something that could put our marriage at risk."

"It wouldn't be like that," he insisted.

"Wouldn't it? What's changed in the last few months, Levi? When club business calls, you always go running and that's never going to change. Your loyalty is, first and foremost, to the club." I gave a quiet huff of laughter. "I would think you'd understand how much what you did hurt me. From the minute my mother died, I became a second class citizen, the nuisance who couldn't be allowed to get in the way of the shining star. And if I were to marry you, it'd be more of the same. I'd just be swapping Jerica for the club."

"That's not true," he snapped. "You do come first for me. Everything I did was for you, Genny, to protect you and this town."

"You may have done it to protect me, but you destroyed me in the process and it all could have been avoided with a simple, five-minute conversation." I moved to the door and opened it.

"We're not done talking about this," he glared at me, frustration evident in every line on his face, in the way he was holding himself. "We need to talk this out."

"I need you to leave now, so I can think about things," I said in a tone he knew well.

Levi stood in front of me for a minute, vibrating with tension, then released his breath and gave a short nod. He walked out onto the porch, and took just two steps before spinning back to face me. "No, Genny, I don't feel right leaving you now. We need to talk this out, tonight, and get everything back to normal."

"I can't, Levi. I have to get ready for a date tonight." And before he could absorb that, I shut the door in his stunned face and locked it.