Black Death And White Roses (1) Mafia Romance

16. Hate

Roxana

Monster.

I wish you die a horrible death, Ivan, and one day I will see to it because I also died because of you; I died a slow death under the burden of fear for years and another death facing my father die, and the hope in my heart, that I held onto stubbornly turning to ashes.

I guess you just can't be the same again after what I saw, after how I saw a person I loved dearly die.

My consciousness is floating between extreme pain and profuse numbness.

"Yes, it is okay to incinerate his body. I know, he will not go to Orthodox heaven if you do so, but I assure you he does not care," I say in the end to the employee of the police station that has one too many opinions.

My mom was cremated too. It's unusual for Eastern Europe. They say you were made from clay and you should return to it after your death. 'They' say a lot of stuff I don't care about anymore.

My mom was the only person to fully understand my dad, and she loved him dearly. The person she knew however was not the same I had to deal with lately. But regardless, my resentment seems only a drop in an ocean of pain and loss. He didn't deserve to die the way he did. He was a good father, most of the time at least.

They found his body in a small lake on the outskirts of the city, barely recognizable. I tried. I tried so hard to prevent this from happening but I failed.

All the good memories we shared come into my mind: my very happy childhood, all my life except the last three years. And now? Now Dani and I are alone in the world.

Alexandru said that as bad as it might seem there is a good part. Now they can charge Ivan with murder and that will mean many years behind bars. It's also that, I am now theoretically debt-free. I have to start over and put my life together but I feel so incredibly broken and enraged by this world that just took and took stuff from me lately without giving anything in return.

I tried to remain positive, to see the good things but at this moment nothing seems worth it. I have reached the point where I am looking at the world with a bitter taste in my mouth. It took a while and a hell of a lot of death and misfortune but it feels like it finally broke me.

Dani understands that it is too dangerous to come to Dad's funeral. I mean, in theory, it shouldn't be, but I still prefer him to stay away. Maybe some of Ivan's thugs are still out there; I don't want to take any risks.

In the evening, after I finish with the police statements and all that, my mind wanders briefly to the future. I am left with no money, probably no job and now I am the only one able to take care of my brother.

My family didn't own property. They sold Grandma's house to pay for Mom's and her hospital bills and Dad sold almost everything valuable in our home to pay for alcohol.

A recruiting process takes time and I need money now. I suppose my best chances are to call Christian, apologize, and beg him not to fire me. Truth be told I think he will accept; it will be way more difficult to find someone new. The humiliation does not even sting so much when you know why you are doing it.

Just be done with it, I tell myself while pressing the call button.

"Christian Richter, hallo," he answers the phone as people usually do in Switzerland.

"Hi, Christian. It's me... Roxana."

"Roxana. Hmm."

"Listen, Christian, before you say anything. I am very sorry for how I have reacted in our last call."

Yes, I am sorry for how I said everything not for what I have said but pride will not feed my baby brother.

"You just left. That is highly unprofessional. Those are grounds to fire you if you don't turn up at work."