Khalifa

50 Perish

He starts to pet his horse, running his hand down its mane, then patting its back. She watches the storm rage on his face despite him trying to call calm in his demeanor. She knows he does burn as he claims.

"Your ignorance was bliss, for you and me both. I was either in oblivion or denial. What I knew, I turned myself blind to. No reason could wipe you out of my memory and take you out of my heart. It would've killed me if I were to hold onto those reasons."

"Why?"

She doesn't know why she's asking him the question. It's absurd to logic. But she cannot see things from his perspective, for it is way too complicated for her to fully grasp.

"Wallahi if I knew, I'd have found a solution to it." He tilts his head towards her, their gazes colliding in a catastrophe. "I can find a solution to anything in this world, but not this love. You sear my heart. You balm it too. You don't let me live, you don't let me die. You ask me to float in the abyss, not coming up, not drowning down. What sane man would want to be in such anguish?"

"I cause you such pain?"

He only stares at her, not answering. She feels a bitter sting to her heart.

"Why keep me by your side if I hurt you so much, sayidi?"

He grins, too darkly for her taste, and licks the corner of his mouth, a habit she notices lately he does so often. He once more looks away from her to the horse.

"Baghdad doesn't want me. It never did. Why do you think I kept my identity hidden?" He clicks his tongue. "The war my father brought upon this land, the people of this land wouldn't forgive him for it. I'm his blood. They wouldn't want me to rule them either. But I did. God, I did fair enough." He chuckles, equally dark as his grin moments ago, almost alarming her. "You think I could rule a kingdom anonymously but not know what goes on in it? Especially with the woman I went out of my mind for and broke every rule to get her?"

She gently tugs her horse forward and then goes to tie it with the tree. She pets it lovingly, realizing there's little time left before she let go of it.

"Ana ohibbuk, Noura (I love you, Noura)," he whispers, and his presence close behind her, his words and confession, make her hold her breath. "Ohibbuki kathiran (I love you so much)."

She closes her eyes, a silent sigh escaping her lips. She wants to tell him she loves him too-- that she too is insane in his love. But there are things between them not yet mended, and she knows he won't back down on the choice he has already made.

"Sulaiman bin Khalid would roam in the bazar of Baghdad but I wouldn't know? The prince would waltz into my palace but I wouldn't know? How could you assume such a thing, habibti?"

"Then why didn't you do anything about it?"

"Because me knowing about it made no difference. Yusuf abdicated the throne, and Sulaiman was the last rightful heir to it. I was forbidden from causing him any harm, so I allowed him freedom. And he thought he was fooling me when in reality he was only leading me to every traitor he created against me." He exhales in exasperation, somewhat in dismay. "Dear Lord, forgive me for all the heads that came under my axe because of him. I could be slaughtering them all my life and the blood wouldn't stop spilling."

"And why did you stay silent about me?"

"Because you did not love him." He places his hands on her waist from behind and presses his cheek against her temple. "Because you love me."

"So you chose to let it be?" she huffs in disbelief.

"I didn't choose to. Understand that I'm no God. There were still things I didn't know about, and there were times things wouldn't go as I would plan. You think I would allow him around you?" He scoffs. "When your visits to the bazar became frequent, I started sending guards after you."