Love To Break You

11 - Unrecognisable

I can't get Celine out of my head. She's in everything. Everywhere.

"Fuck it!" I muttered rather loudly and scared Elsie.

"Where are you going?!" she yells after me but I can't respond before the door closes behind me.

I need answers. I need something. She needs to tell me something.

Make me hate you again.

When she was away, it was easy to hate her. But now she's here and I can't hate her. I need to hate her or I'll forgive her.

Fuck I can't do that to myself. She broke me. I have to get back on her for the things she took away from me.

I stopped in front of the familiar porch and knocked loudly on the door.

I looked up and found all of the lights off but her car was in the driveway. She must be home or maybe she's taking a walk like she always does around nighttime?

Please just be home.

𝐂𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐄

The loud knocking on the door woke me up and it hurt to move. The dried blood on my hands was the first thing I noticed and I realised that I had passed out after my mental breakdown. The cuts on my hip hurt and I slowly got up to open the door and see who the knocking person was.

It was painful to walk and I understood that I'd cut too deep this time and there was still blood dripping down my hip – thank god I picked up the hoodie before coming down. I opened the door and saw the person I least expected about to walk away. He turned around once he heard that I opened the door and the moment he found my eyes I felt the same things I always felt when he was around.

Longing, excitement, happiness and the strongest of them all – love.

God I love you Ry.

"I-" the words froze in my throat and I couldn't say anything.

Was there even anything to say?

He walked towards me, getting even closer, "I'm going to ask you for the last time. Please be honest with me" he started and I trembled. Don't, I wanted to say, don't start something now, it's been too long don't. Just hate me.

The words never came and he continued, "Tell me the truth. Why? Why did you do this, Celine? Why did you send me to jail? Why did you do that to us?" he asked, his voice was filled with desperation and I let out a cry under my palm at his tone. My hand stayed over my mouth, closing in anything that would slip out.

"I-" I looked at his eyes and I saw it all. Something I couldn't give him. The truth. He wanted something to hold on to and oh god I want to tell you everything Ry. I would do anything to make you look at me the same way you always did. But I can't lose Miles. They will kill him and I can't lose more people.

"I can't tell you anything other than the things you already know" I tell, desperate to make him let go.

He looked at me with lost eyes, "That's the thing! I don't know any fucking thing, Celine!" his voice killed me and he came closer, so close.

"Tell me. Everything." he whispered, his face not far from mine. His eyes begged me and I couldn't stand looking into them for too long.

My body hurt and I could feel the blood oozing down the cuts the more I talked and shook. I was trembling and Ryan gave me a concerned look.

"I- I can't tell you. I can't do that to-" my voice grew weaker and the world started spinning.

"Celine? Are you okay?" concern coated his face and he put his hand on my shoulder to keep me steady but that didn't help me from passing down onto his chest.

"Celine! What the hell?!" No. He smelled it. He smelled the awful blood. Why am I bleeding so much this time? This was not supposed to happen. I didn't mean to cut so deep.

His cold fingers felt like fire against my skin as he moved my hoodie upwards and his eyes widened, finding my eyes.

"No. Why? Why would you do this?" I tried to speak but my eyes were too heavy. Please just leave me. You weren't supposed to find out. You can't do this to us now. Don't care about me, Ry.

Leave me, Ry. Because I can never leave you.