Living to Loving

Chapter 22

Hey, ya'll. Sorry I haven't been able to update this. Life's been crazy and hectic, but anyway, here it is!! 

(P.S. sorry it's so short, I've been having a bit of writer's block with this book)

I storm into my room, ignoring my siblings' pleas to play a game with them. I slam the door in Crystal and Micah's face, feeling no guilt or remorse about it.

"Argh!" I scream, slamming my fists down on my bed. I'd lost everything. My sister, my boyfriend, my guitar, my dog, my sanity, almost. I had lost everything. Why wasn't there something I could do? To save it?

Tears, anger, frustration, and sadness were streaming down my face. Why couldn't I keep anything together? I shoved the feelings down into the pit of my stomach, which only made matters worse. Fear ate its way up my throat. I felt like I couldn't breathe.

Roxy, my darling dog, shoves her head under my shaking arms, licking my face lovingly. I shove a breath out of my throat, feeling like I was gasping for air.

"Gemma?" I can hear, faintly, my siblings opening my door.

I don't answer. Roxy was furiously licking my face and shoving her warm body against me.

My hands shook, my breaths came out jaggedly. Why couldn't my life just be perfect like everyone else's? Even Daniel, whose sister was paralyzed, had it easier than I did.

"Gemma, calm down," I can hear Micah whispering in my ear.

"Come on, sis," Crystal and Micah get me to my feet, and I take one shaky step after another to the front porch.

My parents aren't home, but Crystal and Micah, being the amazing siblings they are, sit with me for fifteen minutes calming me down.

I pull a strand of hair behind my ear and smile. "Thanks," I say, my voice shaking.

"Are you okay now?" Micah asks.

My voice was still quivering when I spoke. "Yeah. Yeah, I think so." I looked out onto the street. And that's when I saw it.

The car zoomed past me, and I stumbled back, watching the events unfold. Fear enveloped me. I felt like I couldn't breathe. I was gasping for air as I found myself grasping at reality's edges.

Blood splattered the ground as metal and glass crunched and collided. It was all too much. I gasped for air, not succeeding in my plight.

"It's not real," I could feel Crystal touching my arm.

It felt like the walls were closing in on me. I jerked away. "No!" I yelled. Why couldn't I breathe? Why was air such a struggle? I felt nauseous. The ringing in my ears was so loud I could barely hear anything else.

Then everything went black.

When I finally fully wake up, I am staring at white ceiling tiles. I can hear beeping above my head. I turn my head slightly to the side to see my sister, brother, and parents on my left.

But the thing that really surprised me was Daniel, standing behind my siblings. I braced my hands next to myself and tried to push myself up, wincing as the IV in my left hand shifted.

"Mom?" My voice was surprisingly weak.

Mom looked up. "Gemma! How do you feel?"

I rubbed the back of my neck. "Okay, I guess. What happened?"

"You passed out," Crystal said.

"We called nine-one-one," Micah punctuated.

"Oh..." my voice trailed off. "I think I'm okay now." I started to sit up, but let myself fall back as the world shifted and spun. "Never mind," I muttered.

"How do you feel?" A doctor in a white coat said, walking in.

I touched my temple. "Uh. Dizzy. Kinda shaky."

"That's expected," my doctor said. "We'll discharge you soon. We just need to get all the paperwork together. Can you sit up?"

"Uh..."

"Slowly," the doctor said. "Gently. You should be fine, as long as you don't sit up too quickly."

"Come on, baby," Mom said, prompting me.

Slowly, at what seemed like a snail's pace, I sat up, blinking away the stars in my vision.

"Got it?" Mom asked, her face concerned.

I nodded slowly, touching my temple. I winced. "Yeah, I think so."

"Good," Mom said, nodding. She caught my gaze and followed it to where Daniel was standing. She gave me a playful, knowing look. "We'll leave you two alone for a little bit. You've got some stuff to talk about."

Had he told my mother? Mom got up and herded Crystal and Micah out, leaving me with Daniel.

"Gemma," Daniel whispered.

"I don't want to hear it," I said, fidgeting with the covers.

"Please," Daniel said. "Just give me a chance to explain. It wasn't what it looked like. Please."

I ran my fingernail along the seam of the white blanket. "I don't know."

"Please," Daniel's tone was pleading. "It wasn't what you think."

"Really?" I asked, looking up. "'Cause, it sure looked like you were planning on making out with the exact girl that killed Jade and paralyzed Rina."

"That wasn't what it was," Daniel said. "I wasn't going to do... any of that stuff with her. I would never do that with Joanna in a million years."

"Then tell me, Daniel," I snapped. "What were you doing with her?"

"I was..." Daniel's voice trailed off. "I can't..."

"You can't tell me?" I demanded. "Of course, you can't."

"I need you to trust me, Gemma," Daniel said. "Please just trust me."

"No," my voice cracked. "How am I supposed to trust me when you can't tell me anything about why the girl who paralyzed your sister was in your room on your freaking bed with you? What am supposed to think?"

"I know it looks bad, Gem-"

"Don't 'Gem' me!" I snarled. "Tell me what the hell you were doing or this is completely over."

"I..." Daniel's voice trailed off. "I love you, Gemma. I love you so much. But I..."

"You can't tell me," I sighed. "Of course, you can't. And I'm just supposed to go along with it."

Daniel didn't respond.

"Are you even sorry?" I asked.

"I don't have anything to be sorry for," Daniel said.

"Ha," I snorted. "Wow."

"Gemma, it's what you think," Daniel said. "Really."

"I don't know if I believe you," I said. "Get out. Please. Now."

Daniel looked genuinely hurt. Yeah. Like he was the one who got to look hurt. "If we can come back to each other-"

"Just get out," I said, cutting him off.

"If forever really does exist-"

"Get out before I make you!" I yelled, anger and frustration bubbling at my surface. "Now!"

"Let it be you" he finished.

"Go," my voice was shaky.

Then he was gone. I didn't piece together the words he had said for a while afterward. But those words are the words I still hold close to my heart, to this day.

If we can come back to each other, if forever does exist, let it be you.

I loved him. Through all of it, I really did. And for the sake of both of us, I hoped what he had said was true.