This is a Sequel to Hydra's Hope and a prequel to Winter's Widow. The love of your life Bucky Barnes has been Snapped and you find comfort in Steve Rogers. Your relationships has ups and downs but blossoms a beautiful friendship as Steve strives to...
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*After your meeting with your therapist Cindy you came home and tried to hide what you talked about. Normally Steve wouldn't bother you about it, you would just tell him. Since you kept it quiet he knew it was big. He was worried and in bed later he pulled you close and asked what you talked about. You lost it. Shooting out of bed, screaming and telling him it didn't matter. He of course got defensive and started yelling back.
Y/N- It doesn't matter!!!
Steve- if you are this upset about it, then it does!!!
Y/N- No! You haven't earned the right to my inner thoughts!!
Steve- are you fucking kidding me?!?! I love you! We live together, you've told me everything else!!
Y/N- Not this- I can't tell you this! Leave it alone!
Steve- Fuck Y/N!! When are you going to let me in!?!
Y/N- the last person I let in-
Steve- That's what this is about... Him. I should have seen it when you didn't say anything.
Y/N- What do you want me to say Steve?!?! That when you look into my eyes all I can think is how I miss his eyes?! How when you kiss me I wish it was his lips?! That when you are off visiting the avengers I sleep in his shirt and not yours! How when you're fucking me I wish it was- *You stop and cover your mouth. You cry and just look at the hurt in his eyes.*
*He slumps against the wall and stares up at you.*
Steve- To think I took Nat with me to help pick out a ring for you.
*You fall to the floor, both of you devastated and not knowing what to do next. Neither one of you willing to do what you knew needs to be done.*
*You take the long way home from work one day. You get a call, its Steve.*
Y/N- Hey babe, Whats up?
Steve- we are out of a few things and I need some of it for dinner. Would you mind stopping on your way home?
Y/N- Sure, I'm passing the store now. Just send me the list.
Steve- thanks baby, see you soon. Love you
*Your heart hurts, you don't say it back.*
Y/N- See you soon. *You hang up, Steve noticed that you didn't say it either.*
*You walk around getting what you need. You walk by the family planning section. You see a pregnancy test, you stop. You feel a sense of relief that you've never had to use that with Steve. That it's never been an "issue" with him and that thought about breaks your heart because you never wanted to think of a baby as an "issue". But with anyone other than Bucky that's what they would be. You only ever wanted to be a mom when Bucky was going to be the man who made you one. You realize what this means for you and Steve and it makes you want to cry right there in the middle of the store.*
*You come inside and Steve grabs the bags from you and kisses your cheek. You gently smile and rub his back as he walks away. Since the fight you and Steve haven't been the same. Your nights aren't filled with laughter and love like they use to be. There is very little happiness and with your grocery store revelation you know the before will never happen again. You both are usually counting the minutes till the other one leaves the apartment so you can breath.*
Steve- Nat is coming by to visit. *You look up from you plate and smile.*
Y/n-When?
Steve- Tomorrow
Y/N- we will have to take her out for dinner
Steve- you bet! *He gently smiles and he reaches over the table and takes your hand. He rubs the back of it and you return the smile. You two clean up and head to bed, starting your night of tossing and turning. Trying not to dream of Bucky and dishonor Steve even more than you have.*
*Dinner with Nat is nice, she makes you laugh and feel like normal. While you are away taking a call she grills Steve.*
Nat- What's going on with you two?
Steve- its bad Nat, I don't know if we're gonna make it. In fact *He pulls something out of his pocket. It's a ring box.* Could you return it for me? or pawn it? We won't be needing it.
*Nat is shocked.*
Nat- Did you even ask-
Steve- I was too busy hearing about how she imagines Bucky every time we have sex- so no, I didn't ask.
Nat- oh Steve- I'm so sorry- she's going through a lot-
Steve- Yeah, I know. But she's not the only one. Excuse me, I'll be right back.
*Nat sighs to herself and puts the box in her bag. She sees the flask of Asgardian liquor in her bag, she laughs and pulls it out. When you and Steve get back to the table she about forces it down your throats.*
Nat- Drink, now!
*You do and its exactly what you and Steve needed. It didn't fix anything but it opened the door for the conversation you and Steve were too afraid to have.*
*You come through the door smiling and hanging onto Steve who is feeling just as good. He smiles down at you and takes your face in his hands. He backs you up to the couch and you sit down on the back of it. He rubs your cheeks and looks deeply into your eyes.*
Steve- its over, Isn't it.
*He smiles down at you sweetly and a tear falls down you face. You silently nod, he kisses you and you wrap your arms around his neck. He picks you up and takes you into the bedroom. He lays you down and just holds you.*
*He wakes up in the morning to all your stuff gone, a note and breakfast.*
My dear Stevie,
You deserve better, far far better. Please find it and be happy.
With all the love left in my heart, Y/N
*Steve hold the paper and just cries. He knew it was coming but he thought he'd at least get a goodbye.*
