One String Attached

43.

.Riley.

I had told James that I would spend some time with Em so that he could go and spend some time alone with his own sister. I think both of us needed a break right now - all of us did. I wasn't too sure about what had just happened exactly or what my sister and James spoke about, but I doubt it was anything good. 

I walked along side Emily in silence, the two of us making our way over to hers. I wasn't exactly supposed to be around the children right now, but as long as there was someone else around it was fine.
I thought this whole thing was ridiculous and stupid. James and I had done nothing. If anything, it should be Bryson who should be the one to have restrictions set on him. We were getting punished instead and I didn't even know why.

Emily had her arms folded over her chest and she looked down at the pavement as we walked along it. Her cheeks were red and slightly bloated. I'd seen her eyes briefly but they were just the same: sore, as though she had been crying almost as much as I had been lately.
I can't remember the last time she had cried in front of people but I knew if something was hurtful enough to even make Emily crack, it must mean something's seriously wrong. She doesn't cry over nothing. 

She's meant to be the strong one out of the two of us, but I really do think she's slowly beginning to fall again, just like the three times she had miscarried.

She always tries to cover it up and show she's okay but I know her too well for that. We used to sleep in the same bed as each other when we were little and Mum was low on money after Dad had left, meaning we had to move into a small council flat and squash ourselves inside there.
In that time, the two of us really opened up to each other even if we were two awkward tweens. We built that bond back then and it's followed us up till now. There's no breaking it.

She opens the door of the house, unlocking it with the key and then allowing me to enter. It was around about one o'clock so I would have liked to think that by this time, Asher would be sat on the sofa, preoccupied with a programme showing on the TV while Aaliyah sat down playing with her dolls like usual.
The family dynamic may have changed but what my children did in their free time was still just the same. 

Entering the house, I look around in search of them both. I had a feeling Aaliyah wouldn't want to see me and she was probably sat on her own somewhere. But it was different with Asher.

As soon as he sees me after craning his head around from where he was sat on the sofa next to the guy from the café, he gasps before jumping off the couch and then running over to me.
"Mumma!" he squeals, running into my arms. I lean down and smile whole-heartedly before lifting him up into my arms, holding him close to my chest and allowing him to bury his head into the crook of my neck. 

I understood partially why the social had decided to make Aaliyah stay with Em for a while, but as for Asher? It made no sense. He shouldn't be as effected by this as he is and it only makes me feel guilty as I look over his tiny self. 

"Where's Daddy, Mummy?" he asks me, pulling back to look at my face. I sigh, adjusting his weight in my arms.
"He's not here right now, baby. You'll see him soon, okay," I say before kissing the tip of his round nose.

"I missed you, Mumma," he whispers to me, cupping my cheeks in his hands. Smiling and chuckling softly, I nod my head. 
"I've missed you too, bubsy. I love you."
"I love you too," he giggles softly, wrapping his arms around my neck once again and smiling away to himself, just like his dad always seems to do.

At least with Asher, I could get a breath of fresh air. I loved my daughter more than anything but she does know how to stress me out at the worst of times. 

I wish things with her could be as easy as they are with Ash, but there's a clear reason as to why they aren't. Asher's father is James, and Liyah's is Bryson. I can't change that and things will only ever grow more complicated as time goes on.
Like I always say, the girls growing, and the more she grows, the more curious, inquisitive and stubborn she'll get.

"Ri," Emily speaks up from beside me. I turn to face her and then she nods her head at me, biting her lip before gesturing towards the staircase.
 I look towards Wyatt where he was still sat on the sofa and then I sigh before walking over to him and setting my son down by his side.

"Do you mind?" I ask him gently, despite the fact I barely knew who he was. If Em trusted him enough so as to leave the kids with him then I'm sure I can trust him too.
"No problem," he whispers back to me in understanding.
"I'll be back down in a bit, Ash," I say to him, kissing his cheek before leaving to follow my sister upstairs.

She leads me to the bedroom which used to belong to both her and Hunter but now I'm guessing Wyatt's about to take his spot?

As I take a quick look around the room, I take in my surroundings. There were a set of building blocks spread around on the floor, a bunch of photographs laid out and even her duvet was a mess on top of the mattress.
Emily was usually the most organised, tidy and clean person I knew but now it looks as if she's beginning to completely change. I don't know what's going on, but I have to be there for her. In a situation like this, the only thing we can really do is be there for each other.

"Em," I whisper, leaning down to sit on my knees as I begin to pack away all the building blocks into a single drawer. I grab all the photographs and begin to pack them away into the one folder she kept them in, but as I do, she continues to stare at me, not saying a single word.

Biting my lip, I keep cleaning away all the things to do a supposed favour? But she didn't seem to see it that way.
She sat on the edge of the bed, clutching the sheets in her hands while she watched me.

"Ri, stop," she whispers to me just as my hand brushes one of the photographs.
I hadn't even been watching what I was doing, but when I look down, I notice I had grabbed a picture of her, Hunter and Aaliyah all together in one photo. As I look at it, I let out a light breath and pass it to her as she reaches her hand out to me for her to take it.
"Pass me those," she instructs, gesturing towards all the remaining ones where Hunter was present.

Slowly and hesitantly, I do just that, unsure of what I was agreeing to by doing so. She takes the photos from me one at a time and studies them all carefully, but I watch as her face begins to scrunch up slightly. A tear rolls down her face, escaping the corner of her eye and as she lifts up the photos to view them properly, I could already tell what was about to happen . . . 

"Em," I whisper again as warning. But it was no use. "Emily," I repeat, this time much more sternly.
"Em, don't!" I seethe, standing up quickly but just too quick that my stomach flips upside down, causing me to caress it lightly. By the time on my feet and have sat myself down beside her, she had already torn the photos in half.

She then throws all halves onto the floor and as she looks over the laminated photographs which were now scattered all along the floor, she soon begins to cry properly. The tears don't hesitate in cascading down her cheeks and the sounds of hurt and pain start to escape her two lips - the loud sniffling sounds and whimpers of agony filling the atmosphere.
It was so loud it was enough to make my heart break.

Not only had she torn up the photos of Hunter, but one of the photos in there was something I don't think she was anticipating to see . . . 

"Riley," she cries out loudly, begging for my touch. As soon as she calls my name, I sit myself down beside her and instantly pull her into my side, allowing her to rest her head on top of my lap while I wrap my arms around her body tightly.
"It's okay," I whisper, trying not to choke on my own voice as I looked down at the one photo on the floor which had now been permanently damaged. It was the only photo she had left.

And as I look at it, I close my eyes and sigh.

The collage of all three ultrasound photos of each of her babies . . .