One String Attached

24.

.James.

About half an hour later, Riley had managed to calm herself down. I wasn't sure what had happened to make her sick but my best guess was that it was the stress and anxiety.
She's exasperated and it's not doing her body any justice at all.

We still hadn't heard a word from the police regarding Aaliyah and I knew that was what was keeping Riley up still despite being midnight. I knew her well enough to know that she won't be intending to fall asleep tonight and that's fine, but she has to stay home and look after Asher.
I can't let her out this late at night. If anything, I'll be the one to go out, not her.

I enter the nursery to find Ri sat on the cream coloured sofa bed with the large kids cot set out in front of her. She had her arm stretched out towards the cradle and it's when I step closer that I notice her finger was curled together with Asher's.
She looks up at me and then sighs as I do the same. She had bags beneath her eyes, that specific part of her skin black and blue and battered, like she hadn't slept for days in spite of it being less than 12 hours since Aaliyah's been missing.

I walk over towards her and then crouch down slightly by her side, moving one hand to link with my son's as I give it a light squeeze. He had no idea what was happening and part of that fact relieved me, whereas the other half of it pained me.
To him, everything was fine, just a bit unusual. When Ri couldn't answer his question about where Liyah was, I told him that she was with Violet. Obviously he believed it, but the fact I have to lie to him makes me feel worse as a parent. 

I never knew what true responsibility was before having children but the moment Riley revealed she was pregnant to me, a sudden weight was hauled upon my shoulders and since then it's never been lifted.
Sure, sometimes I know how to balance it but in times like this, it's as if the entire weight has been shifted onto one shoulder and it's slowly dragging me down.

"James," Riley whispers, gaining my attention. She uses her index finger to direct my chin up and guide my eyes to looking at her instead of down at Asher, and then she sighs, shaking her head a little. She wanted to know what was going through my head, I knew that, but I just couldn't explain it to her.
She's doing so much worse than me. As her husband, I need to put her first. She's the one suffering. Aaliyah's her blood daughter. As much as I love to tell myself that Aaliyah's my daughter as much as Ri's, it will never be true. She's Bryson's.

"I'm gonna go out and try looking for her, okay," I tell her, taking a hold of the hand she had used to cup the side of my face with. I bring her hand to my lips and kiss her knuckles, causing her to hesitate as she breathes in by the slightest.
"No, I will," she claims quickly, but I shake my head as soon as the words leave her lips. I was expecting her to say something like that but I couldn't risk it. She wasn't well. She just threw up and that definitely wasn't nothing. 

"Please, babe," I tell her, biting my lower lip and looking directly into her eyes which were filled with nothing but pure terror and fear. "Stay here with Asher for me, okay. I can't let you go out."
"But what if something happens to you," she responds shakily. "What if you go out there and don't come back? I can't let you leave me, James. I'll be here on my own with Asher." I watch as a tear slowly drops from out of the corner of her eye but before it can travel further down towards her cheek, I brush it away with the tip of my thumb.

"I'm going to be just fine, okay," I tell her with as much reassurance in my tone as I could muster. The last thing I wanted to do was worry, frighten or scare her. She was panicky enough as it is. "But what I need you to do for me is look after our son before something happens to him too, Ri. Can you do that?"

She looks at me for a couple of moments before looking down towards Asher and then she sighs, giving my hand a tight squeeze. I knew she was hurting right now. I knew that all she wanted was for Aaliyah to be in her arms, chatting away like usual. I knew this wasn't the best of times at all but I needed her to have the smallest bit of hope and faith. I need her to trust me and I need to be able to trust her.