Pagkasakay sa kaniyang kotse ay hindi napigilan ni Zenith ang humagulhol. The pain of being fooled and betrayed by the person you loved the most almost consumed him. Ganito pala kasakit, ganito pala ang epekto. He could feel he was being attacked by pain in all directions. The happiness in the fact that he and Michelle shared a child couldn't overpower the intense pain.
The thought of him not being there when Michelle was pregnant, that he could be by her side to provide all her needs, the satisfaction of providing her the food she craved in the middle of the night, the missed experience of massaging her feet if it was aching, and most importantly, the experience of being with her on prenatal check ups were eating him up inside.
Zenith had those chances when she was pregnant with Angela, but he took her for granted.
The thought of him not being there when his son was born was eating him up, too. Wala na nga siya sa tabi nito when she gave birth to Angela, pati rin kay Adam. The anguish of not being present to see his first smile, first crawl, first step, first words, and all those moments that should be shared with him, Jorge saw and experienced it instead of him.
Siya ang ama ni Adam, ngunit iba ang kasa-kasama nito. Iba ang tinatawag nitong daddy or papa, at hindi siya. Dapat siya iyon. Siya.
Napakawalang hiya niyang tao. Napakamakasarili niya. Bakit hindi niya naisip ang mga posibilidad noon? Nagpakain siya sa mga walang kwentang bagay, naging mahina siya.
Zenith's soul was now slowly breaking as he realized the way he treated Michelle. Especially when she was pregnant with Angela before, it gravely affected the development of their baby. He was cold with her, he mistreated her badly, but she always stayed positive, happy, jolly, and hopeful.
Yes, he was physically present, but his mind wandered with Era before.
The hurt and pain she must have endured upon losing their daughter was enormous. Wala pa siya sa tabi nito nang nangyari iyon. Wala siya sa tabi nito noong nakikipagbuno sa buhay ang kanilang anak. He was not there to lend his strength, the comfort he could've provided.
Zenith was not even by her side when Angela bonded with Michelle. Hindi man lang niya nakarga ang anak, hindi man lang niya nahalikan at nayakap. Hindi niya naiparamdam dito ang pagmamahal ng isang ama. He was a fu-cking asshole.
Naiintindihan naman ni Zenith kung bakit itinago ni Michelle si Adam. She protected Adam because she was traumatized by what happened before, she was afraid to lose him again the way she did with Angela.
Pinatawad siya ni Michelle even if she knew his sins, but still he did not have the courage to tell her the truth. Naduwag na naman siya. He blew off his chance.
Kung miserable man siya ngayon, he brought this to himself.
Mas lalong tumitimo sa isipan ni Zenith ang nangyari noon. The pain he put Michelle through was unforgivable. It was not even humane, hindi makatao. He caressed a part of his chest. He literally felt the pain there, nanghihina ang kaniyang katawan. The events of the past consumed him, as guilt crept in his body. Zenith closed his eyes shut, trying to calm himself down. When he was able to calm himself, he started his car's engine and went to visit Angela's grave.
***
Sinipat ni Jorge ang rolex sa bisig. Hindi niya alam kung ano ang kahihinatnan mamaya ng pagsasbi sa anak nila ng katotohanan. He and Michelle couldn't think of the right words to tell Adam the truth.
It was already past fifteen minutes, ngunit hindi pa lumalabas si Adam. Pumunta siya sa security guard, he asked permission to let him in. Kinuha nito ang ID niya at dumiretso sa loob ng playschool.
BINABASA MO ANG
A Sinful Forbidden Affair
RomanceEra has been in a relationship with Vernon for more than a decade. They met each other when they were still young, both dreamt of a bright future together. They promised themselves to love each other despite whatever challenges life may brough them...
