Chapter 5: Home

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We all hid from the rain. There was a huge pavilion nearby.

The air smelled like new beginnings. My drenched clothes felt like a delayed rebellion.

My eyes searched for Linda. Discovering new land in the frightened fragments of who I was before this evening. Before the day on which Linda started dancing in front of me. Before Pedro and I took her with us to the lake his brother killed himself at.

It's strange how you don't notice change until you stand underneath a tent at 10 pm, covered in raindrops and the hint of booze.

Linda found me first. Her usually slightly curled hair laid heavy on her shoulders. The rain made her fancy clothing turn into a huge bag-like looking something.

"Missed you all evening, Ben."

"Always saw you around."

"Yeah, you, too."

There were a lot of people crowded together. So close to each other that you could hear everyone's breath. Even over the trashing sounds in the background. So close that Linda had to watch other people's feet to not trample on mine.

"You looked really happy today, Linda."

Her smile did weird things to my brain.

"I really was. Thanks for coming with, again."

For a moment it looked like she was shocked.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"What?"

"It's just...,"

"What?"

"You just smiled."

I somehow did.

I could get used to this. To the new ways of fighting the caterpillars.

To the way Linda's smiling muscles worked.

To the way I didn't have to care about what she would think of me if I just looked at her for a little while longer.

"Why did you ignore me?", she asked after a little while.

Probably the hardest question to give an answer to back then.

But the Buffalo had effectively trampled over the Caterpillars.

I didn't want her to know that she was connected to my seizures. I didn't want her to feel responsible or guilty.

I could've lied. And told her that it was because of Pedro's brother. But it didn't seem right.

Even though it wouldn't have been a complete lie.

It did do things with my brain.

But ultimately, it was her. It was all her.

The good and the bad things. The bringer of life and death.

Pedro would've been proud of how I phrased my thoughts.

Meanwhile, Linda looked at me in shock again.

"What?"

This time she didn't reply at all. She just softly touched the slowly filling spaces underneath my eyes.

"We don't have to talk about it yet."

And then she took me into her arms.

Our clothes stuck together. Hugging her felt like being part of a heavy lump that's being dragged down a deep river. Her wet hair found its way onto every itching corner of my face.

We both didn't let go for a while. Until the rain stopped.

It weirdly felt like home.

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