Chapter 38 ~ 5 stages of grief.

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~Dream's POV~

I'm walking back to Pogtopia with nothing. I feel helpless. Like nothing on this small world can benefit to Y/n's death. Nothing. I don't want to say that I no longer have hope yet, but it sure feels like it. And even though I know it's too soon to feel these kind of these of things, it's the truth.

Nothing can bring her back. Not even a book, because the book doesn't even exist anymore. Like it had been erased. And Y/n came along with it. I reach for the door on the side of the mountain, but I immediately back up when I feel my blood raging inside of me.

It hasn't even been a day since her death. She died just an hour ago, but here I am, losing myself already, and going through the 5 stages of grief. Anger. I run a hand through my hair, gripping onto it for dear life until it starts to sting.

I grab a stone from the ground, only to throw it back into the soil not even a second after. I do that a couple more times, before realizing how that doesn't even help. I swiftly turn around, punching the closest tree near me. "You're so useless, Dream." I tell myself.

I punch it again. "Useless."

And again. "Useless!"

And again. "USELESS!"

I still can't comprehend her death, and I don't want to. I don't want to believe she's dead, but I've already been through that stage. And I have for 10 years. Denial. And it was true. She really wasn't dead.

She was alive. She was so alive in fact that I felt it when I was inside her. At least she was until someone came along who took that from her. And I'm mad for her because of it. Because someone took the life that made mine worth living.

I continue to punch the tree and my knuckles start to bleed, but I don't stop. I take my anger out on this tree. This innocent tree that had nothing to do with her death. It would be wrong if it were a person and not a tree, but it feels so goddamn right.

"Dream?" A voice from behind me calls out my name. I turn around to see Tommy, tears streaming down my face like a waterfall. "She's dead, Tommy!" I cry out loud. "And all because of me!" I'm hysterical, and I don't know what I'm saying, but I say it.

I say everything I need to, but then I stop. I stop when I feel a pair of arms wrap around me. "Don't blame yourself for it, Dream." Tommy whispers in a hurt tone. "We weren't ever made to lose who we love. It just happens." I never saw myself do it, but I do.

I hug Tommy. I hug him back like he's my brother. I hug him so tight, it feels almost as if he's about to shatter in my arms. "That should've been me, Tommy." I'm now bargaining her death, crying into Tommy's shoulder. And I don't feel it right away, but he nuzzles his face into my neck.

I can feel his tears against my skin, and all I can think about is Y/n. About how she used to nuzzle her face into my neck as well. Tommy shakes his head no, trying to disagree with me, but he can't seem to say it.

He isn't crying as hard as I am, but I can feel his tears run down my neck. He doesn't cry like I do. He doesn't sob like I do. He doesn't scream like I do. He doesn't wail like I do. He just sniffles, crying softly, trying to pull himself together. He's handling this way better than I am.

And it's only then when I realize how I realize how I wasn't the only one who lost someone. I didn't lose a relative today. I didn't lose my own blood and flesh. Hell, I didn't even lose a sister. Yet I'm acting as if I had lost my own child.

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