Unknown double life

Insisting

How absurd it is to be scared to stop loving you!
(As if it was possible.)

But, what if one day I wake up and go about my day without the thought of you making me smile? Or upsetting me? Wouldn't that be wasted time?
Where would my mind take me when I feel like giving up if you were no longer my safe place?

What if one day I find that I-have, am and-would be able to live without you being around?
What other lame excuse other than your busy schedule being in the way would I tell myself when I go to bed alone every night?

What if all of a sudden I realize you're not even trying to make me stay? Would you notice if I left? Or would you decide to come back as I start forgetting how your skin feels?

When we do meet; is it "thanks to me"? Or is it "my fault"? I keep pulling the invisible strings to feel you close, and I'm the puppet at the same time!

Make me stay. Even if it's just for a rare night when your phone goes mute and your soul is screaming.

Make me stay; as if your soul knew that sometimes I can make you smile. Or hesitate against your will.

Make me stay; because we both know that if you gave me the tools to walk away without a scratch, or you vanished just not to hurt me, I would turn them into a knife, hand it to you on your way out of my life and teach you how to use it on me to do as much harm as possible.

If my mind and my heart would just talk to each other for once! Or at least listen to the silence of this solitude I can't come to terms with...

I still haven't learned how to be less intense or how to pretend I wouldn't try to stop the world from spinning if you thought that's what you needed to be happy.

How terrifying it is to think that one day I might have to worry about my life and the nonexistent path I pretend to walk through!