OUTSiDER (Assassination Classroom Fanfic)

47. Bloom

Compared to them, I just can't stand out.

From the very beginning, Kunomasu Naomasa was not designed to be as prominent and memorable as the others up there.

"But, are you trying?"

Ms Sakurai's question surprised him. It was not an accusation, not a demand. Just a question, a genteel wonder.

Nao was very sure. "I'm trying my best."

Her smile bloomed onto her face. She handed a flower to her son, stood up, and excused herself, because it was time to open shop.

"I like you as you are, Nao-kun," Ms Sakurai said. "You're my wonderful, dear son, and I'm so, so proud of you."

It was a blue orchid.

(You're a rarity in your own unique way, and that's how you should be.)

Nao didn't leave the room until his tears dried.

-

"I thought I was fine with it," Nao admitted, "I thought I was fine with the thought that I could just live a dull, boring life in the corner of nowhere, unnoticed until I'm gone."

He rested his head on his staffroom table, staring at the single plastic blue orchid in the vase.

It was Winter Break now, with Kayano still recuperating in the hospital and most of the students mulling over Korosensei's newly-discovered backstory. Korosensei himself was off in Mt Fuji or something, so Nao was here alone.

It's a little dumb, to be talking to a flower. But he was too much of a coward to actually talk to anyone, including Ritsu.

Somehow, this calmed him.

A single flower, and yet...

"I'm good at pretending to sympathize, maybe," Nao said. He thought he'd always had compassion. Turns out, he never did. His chest is heavy with a painful sort of loneliness. "I'm starting to understand why you wanted to be seen."

Did you live with this pain your whole life, Ran?

The desire to want something so desperately, you go mad for it... Everyone around him had that kind of desire— that kind of ambition. Kazane ran off into the world of danger for love. Irina's waltzing around in her own sense of individuality, hoping to find happiness and peace. Even Red Eye has resolved to find better sights to target, and Korosensei has his heart set for the betterment of his students.

And of course, every student in this classroom had individual visions of the future for themselves, too.

Nao's a little envious. He wanted to have something like that, too, but alas.

Nao's never been one for passionate ambitions like that, anyways.

-

"I'm going to die."

He'd shocked Kayano enough just by appearing in her hospital room, but when he said that, she choked on her strawberry milk and needed a long time to recover.

Then, there was a frantic attempt to get out of bed, but Nao stopped her, setting hands on her shoulders to hope she didn't resist them.

"Calm down, calm down," he said, to her tearful eyes. "It's not exactly new information."