The Madonna, The Virgin, and The Whore

Chapter Twenty-Eight

"I know things seem confusing for you right now Mary, but I'm pretty confident that you'll sort it all out in time. And I don't want to add any pressure; I'm not in any rush. If you need me to back off I can."

"Why?" The question was out of my mouth before I even realized that I was asking it but Ian didn't answer me as he pulled up in front of the house and put the car in park. I watched him lean forward and rest himself against the steering wheel. Finally he looked over at me and shook his head in disbelief.

"Is it really that impossible for you to believe that I like hanging out with you?"

I unbuckled my seatbelt and shook my head in denial. "No, but you don't even know me..."

Ian pushed back from the steering wheel and turned his body towards mine. "I don't know you? Mary, I've lived in this town pretty much my whole life and so have you."

"But we never--"

"Spoke?" A smile lit up his face again and he slowly shook his head. "We spoke that one time. Do you remember my graduation party?" I nodded, not believing that he remembered that night as well. I had played it over in my head a few times, recently even more, but I never imagined Ian remembered that brief encounter we had.

"When you came into the garage, you looked so timid, almost like you were afraid I was going to bite you. It was kind of cute." My blush deepened and I felt Ian's eyes as they traveled over me. 

"You were so shy. Almost...fragile. I remember it not making any sense to me." He ducked his head down and stared at his hands. "Everyone had heard your story; it's a small town." He shrugged his shoulders and looked up at me unapologetically. 

"I remember overhearing my mother say how you were practically raising your sisters and that you were taking care of your dad all on your own. It was impressive. But when I saw you there that night you looked...meek."

I cringed. Meek wasn't a word anyone wanted to hear in regards to themselves and it stung twice as much coming from his mouth. Ian shook his head and let out an embarrassed laugh as I clenched my jaw, failing to see the humor.

"I'm fucking this all up. Jesus. You'd think I'd be better with words considering what I do!" He shook his head and tried again.

"Mary, I just saw this girl who was obviously strong--"

"Ian, I just did what I had to do--"

"You seriously think most kids could've done what you did?"

I rolled my eyes and rested my elbow against the window. "I didn't have a mother Ian. I didn't have a choice."

"Mary, some kids grow up with two parents and have it just as bad. Everyone doesn't handle things as well as you did."

"Well?" I snorted. "Have you met my sisters? Erin is some robotic machine who is currently going through some sort of break down, and Lexi?" I let out an incredulous laugh. "Lexi just told me that she screwed Erin's best friend and is running away instead of dealing with it. The two of them are bigger messes than I am and you know who's responsible for that? Me!"

"Are you kidding me?" Ian laughed. 

I scowled back at him, not finding any of this at all funny, and defensively crossed my arms in front of me. Ian twisted his body and leaned in closer to me. The cool scent of his aftershave washed over me and I fought myself from indulging in its inviting smell.

"Mary, you raised two grown women who are having the same type of problems that any other grown women have. None of their issues can be put on you. Christ! Is that what you think? You actually walk around blaming yourself rather than commending yourself for the fact that Lexi and Erin had a childhood because of you?" He shook his head in disappointed astonishment and I suddenly felt very small. I didn't know what to say. 

"That's what I saw that night in the garage at my graduation party-- A girl who didn't know how strong she was." He lifted his hand and curled it around the back of my neck. My skin responded to the feel of him and I stared up into his eyes.

"You were hiding behind Matt and I thought you were better than that."

My heart almost melted. All of my reservations and insecurities flew out the window as I closed my eyes and pressed my lips to his. I didn't think things through first. I didn't weigh my options. I just acted in the moment and it felt like the right thing to do. 

Ian hesitated for a half a second before his hand tightened around my neck and his mouth opened to mine. He was inviting me in and I wasn't second guessing myself. His lips were soft and his tongue applied just the right amount of force to take lead. He was an excellent kisser and that didn't surprise me at all. I was sure he was excellent at many things.

I breathed him in as I wrapped an arm around his back and pulled him closer. The sudden urge to feel him against me was growing and I knew I was entering dangerous territory. It'd been a long time since I just kissed someone. With Matt our kisses always led to sex, they had for a long time now, but that couldn't happen here. I wasn't ready for that. 

My mind started spinning, fighting with my body that was only following its natural instinct to continue on. He did feel good. Ian placed his other hand on my face and I suddenly felt centered. He slowly peeled his lips from mine but stayed just a few inches away from my face.

"I'm not in any rush Mary," he assured me. His lips reached forward and brushed against mine. "Take your time."

Butterflies burst through me as he let me go and my skin continued to tingle where his fingers once were. I tipped my head, not believing what I had just let transpire and battling the desire coursing through me that was pushing me to let it happen again. I didn't know what this all meant but in the moment I didn't really care. I fumbled for the door, peeking over my shoulder to thank him for the ride. 

"Just promise me you'll pick up the phone next time." He flashed a crooked grin and I smiled shyly back at him. 

"I'll pick up," I promised and as I got out of the car I knew somewhere deep inside me that I would. I liked being with Ian. I shouldn't over analyze it. I was only twenty-two. I had my whole life in front of me.

I walked up to my front door, feeling change in the air all around me. The possibilities were endless and I only had myself to think about. I smiled as I put the key in the door and heard Ian pull away when I finally got it open. I was just about to walk inside when a familiar voice stopped me.

"Looks like you're doing okay."