𝐖𝐈𝐋𝐃𝐄𝐒𝐓 𝐃𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐌𝐒

save your tears

「 now playing:
SAVE YOUR TEARS
-
THE WEEKEND」

The club was painted with the hues of red and blue, as the loud music blasted out from the speakers, bouncing off the walls. I stood by a corner, alone with a drink in hand, watching bodies dance dangerously close to each other. Everyone seemed to have the night of their lives, downing shots, giggling and dancing with strangers, all in a state of euphoria. But I can't say the same for me.

I stared aimlessly at the crowd, the drink I held had no weight, and despite standing for a long time, I didn't feel tired. Physically, I was in this club, supposedly to have fun, but mentally, I was lost in a moment that numbed me.

She's a work of art, god's favourite angel, the best thing that ever happened to me. She gave me all her love and care, letting me soak up all the privileges mindlessly. She always greeted me good morning and good night, her kisses held her entire heart as she placed them all over me, as she constantly needed to ensure that I'm alright. I took it all for granted. I wasn't careful with that precious heart, I tarnished it, tainting her angelic wings. I left her alone, confused, hurt, questioning whether she's good enough or not. And it killed me to know what I did to her.

Loving me must've been a fever dream.

No matter how many glasses of alcohol I consumed, it couldn't take away the pain my heart harboured. And the yearning for her increased every second, as I could only imagine myself begging on my knees to have her back in her arms, and give her what she deserves this time. I would shower her with all the love she gave me, give her the comfort she provided me, and reassure her an everlasting happiness like she did to me.

The lights continued to flash, the colours looked a little blurry as the strong smell of alcohol suffocated me, and the constant booming of the speakers continued to trap me in this endless loop. I wanted to pass out so badly, and wake up to find her sleeping in my arms in our shared bed, like this was all just a terrible nightmare that never came true.
Sadly, that's not the case.

My eyes wandered around the club, hopping from one figure to another, occasionally finding some kind of resemblance to her on every figure. Everything reminds me of her.

My gaze landed on a group of new arrivals in the club, and someone among them caught my attention. That familiar soft hair, that dress, and that smile. That spellbinding smile that made my heart race, yet shatter.

It's her.

I watched her from afar, as she danced with her friends. Her smile never left her lips, it looked so beautiful on her. She looked absolutely amazing tonight, the dress complementing her frame. I could feel my heart pound hard in my chest, calling out her name each time. There was something about the look in her eyes that I couldn't help but notice, it shimmered with ecstasy, like she was over the moon, in a kind of undisturbed paradise.

My heart started to ache, I could never give her that happiness.

Suddenly, she looked up, turning to me as her eyes met mine. It felt like an eternity as the whole world stopped. The lights no longer blinded me, the vibrations from the speakers no longer felt intimidating, and the music no longer boomed. I took in every delicate detail on her face, from her eyes to her nose to her lips. The very soft lips that I was once privileged to kiss. But it brought me back to reality when I noticed her ethereal smile fall. The look in her eyes also faded away, and a look of betrayal took over.

No. Please don't look at me like that.

My heart cracked at the sight, as I felt my knees grow weak. In the sea of faces, I could only see hers. The very beautiful face that was mixed with sadness caused by me. She turned away, facing her friends again. I felt hurt, like my heart has been impaled, bleeding slowly. Tears welled up int my eyes as a lump grew in my throat, to which I held them back, for I deserved this more than anything else in the world.

I placed my glass down, making my way through the crowd. I've let go of her once, I can't let go of her again.

I felt my heart start to grow hopeful. I was set on making things right, be it begging on my knees or falling of a cliff for her, I'm willing to do anything to fix the heart that I broke. As I got closer and closer, I managed to get a clearer view of her and her friends. She laughed with them, the melodic voice already brought back the familiar butterflies, comforting me inside.

I was about to call out her name, until a guy approached her. He had a friendly smile, and his look were ridiculously handsome. A lot more handsome than me.

He said something to her, I couldn't really hear for I was still a little far from them, not to mention the deafening music. I stopped in my tracks as I watched the scene unfold in front of me. I saw her lips curled into a similar friendly smile, radiating that warmth she'd always given me when she smiled at me. She said something to him as well, causing his smile to grow wider. He extended his hand out, giving her a handshake, both giggling a little. It shattered my heart, the pieces of it cut my chest.

I was about to walk up to them and talk to her, but something stopped me. It made me feel nailed to the spot. As I watched them converse more, growing perhaps a little fond of each other, I could only feel weak inside.

She deserves someone who won't take her for granted, someone who won't dare to hurt her. She deserves better. Someone better than me, someone who's not me.

And so I turned around, dragging my heavy heart with me, legs using all their strength to carry me further and further away from them. With how painful my heart felt, I was sure that if you looked close enough, you could probably see a trail of blood left behind my every step.

At the end of the day, I still lost her, and I can never get her back, for she's always the best option, but I'm forever indecisive.