My Beautiful queen

Flipped switch

After everyone had left I grabbed my sword after changing and made my way outside not stopping for a moment as I let all my frustrations out. I didn't rest, I never slowed down not even when my body began to scream at me to stop. It had been a full hour of my going full force in battle with the suit of armor the event of this morning running through my mind. 'You are a fucking monster.' I hit a bit harder. 'Your fingertips turned pitch black and your hands had this purple glow to them it looked like you were a whole different person.' I jump into the air, bringing my sword down with all the strength I could. 'Wouldn't want you to kill one of my friends just because you were left unchecked.' I let your a yell as I went to strike diagonally my powers coming out as the plate of armor got cut through the top half falling off the bottom. I didn't notice I was crying until I see the drops falling off my face. I was deadly afraid of what was going on mostly because I seemed to have no control over it. Falling to my knees and taking a seat on the grass I continued to sob my entire body screaming out in pain. I couldn't feel my legs even more so my arms I had a few cuts from the fight as well just adding to the aching. Then I felt it again. It didn't just keep up on me then gradually get worse. It hit me like a ton of bricks. My fingers turned black and started to glow purple. My hands started shaking as I look at what was happening. "Nisha!" I hear and I wasn't sure if it was a shadow talking or not. The voice sounded muffled and it didn't look around to find out, it was like I had tunnel vision the only thing in my line of sight being my black fingers. Moments later I feel arms wrap around me in a hug. I feel the shadows get sucked from my body as the black in my fingers slowly recede and then disappear. My head gets less foggy and I become more alert. Looking around I see the person hugging me is my mother. "Mum?" She looked released to see me back to 'normal'. "Mum, what is happening?" My voice cracks at the end salty, fat, warm tears run down my face. to say I was terrified would be an understatement. I could kill someone just like Maven said. I don't know what it is but if I don't get rid of it I really will be a monster. "Honey, please stay calm. I didn't expect you to have to deal with this so soon it normally comes when you turn 16. I've never heard of it coming so early." It wasn't helping that she wasn't telling me what 'it' was. If anything she was making me more and more terrified. "Mum, am I becoming a monster?" I felt broken and I was scared if anyone knew what was going on it had to be my mum right? I braced myself for her to tell me yes. I knew the chances of it coming from her were quite low but what if she agreed? Maven would be right, and I was even more scared he would be right about something else. "Oh, little one, no. Merlin no. You're the farthest thing from being a monster. This is a side effect of shadow magic. It's embedded deep within our bloodline. There are shadows out there that are evil, little ones, and when you get older and your power grows to that of which they can feed off of, they begin to try and take control. If they do then it's very bad. It's not like they take over your whole body they don't just use your body. They reach into your mind and feed off of every hurtful memory you have. They take any memory where you feel hurt or angry or in pain and they bring it to the surface. They bring out a different version of you the cold version or the corrupt one and make that version control your body while the other half of you sits back and watches. I would have warned you about this sooner if only I'd known that it would happen to you this early in life. I'll teach you how to control it even fight against it and you're going to have to do it every time the feeling comes around. Although honey I'll tell you right now it only gets worse from here. Later they start to try and get you at night and you will have to fight against them most nights." This did nothing to help how I felt if anything I was even more scared than before.  I didn't want this, nor did I ask for it. I hated every moment of the feeling and the thought of evil shadows trying to possess me didn't help at all. I started to sob even harder as my mother held me. All I really got from this conversation was that Maven was right. If I didn't control these shadows I would turn into the monster everyone probably thought I was by now. 

The days went on and my mother had taught me everything she could about how to control the shadows and keep them away. For one I had to keep my emotions in check, that way they couldn't feed off any in-the-moment anger that may seem to surface in me. This proved to be more difficult than I thought because my mother would make an Illusion of Maven appear who would do annoying things causing my anger to flare. Another thing was fighting the shadows. She taught me how to use a shield made of pure light that they couldn't penetrate as well as a few spells that would drive them back. A specific charm that was made by Morgana herself is what most witches and wizards in my family used. Much like the patronise charm fights back dementors, this charm would fight back against shadows. "Lux," I state firmly my feet shoulder-width apart as I held my hand up to a shadow-like figure that my more had created. Nothing happened. "Focus Nisha. Shadows feed on your fear, anger, or pain. You need to focus on feeling happy loved and at peace." I take a deep breath trying again for the hundredth time that hour. "Lux!" This time something happened. A small white glow emitted from my hands and formed into a floating, white, ball of fire. It bounced around the room until it zeroed in on the shadow bonding towards it and making the whole thing diminish. I let out a small laugh of triumph. I needed a win after days of being mentally and physically exhausted. I was killing myself worrying about the whole shadow issue while also killing my body since the burning of soreness helped make the feeling go away. I would fly or practice with my swords for hours on end every day when I wasn't learning and pouring my energy into learning to stop the shadows. Little by little I felt as if I was fading away until I finally learned how to battle the shadows. It brought relief to me like letting out a breath I didn't know I was holding. I felt more protected and I felt a bit more secure knowing I wasn't going to be turning into a monster, at least not any time soon. She also began singing a song whenever she would sit around me or be near me. It went 'Turn your face towards the sun Let the shadows fall behind you. Don't look back just carry on, and the shadows will never find you.' It was quite a beautiful song and I found peace in it. Whenever I couldn't sleep and go for late-night flights I'd find myself singing it and just feeling better. The last day I was at home I spent relaxing by the fire with a good book. I realized I hadn't done that in a while and I enjoyed it. My mother comes in a little way through smiling at me. "May I join, just for old times sake?" I smile looking up moving to make space on the couch. "Of course so long as you're the one reading." She lets out a chuckle moving to sit down and I got to rest my head in her lap. She begins reading and it took less than five minutes for me to fall sound asleep as this was the first sense of security I had felt in days. I knew that my mother would protect me should anything choose to hurt me in my sleep. I didn't wake up after that for 15 hours.