Soulmates ✓

21 | The Guilt You Wear

"No, you don't know it, Shay." He drops his head and grits out. Shay can see the angry veins lining his neck. "No one knows."

"Then tell me. Let it out, Ry," She whispers, her heart picking up the pace.

"It's my fault," he says with a painful groan, still looking down. "I killed him."

"It was an accident, Ry. All of us could've died that day. But somehow, we got lucky. You didn't kill him. Aarav died in a tragic fate." Shay clenches her fists to the point her nails dig into the soft skin of her palm.

"You don't understand, Shay. I did kill him. If I hadn't been so distracted while driving that day- I could've avoided it. I wasn't paying attention. The semi smashed into us, and we just went flying. Hit another car." His body shakes as he steps away from the railing and Shay pulling on his hair. "I told him to put on the seatbelt. If he just listened to me before. I don't know what happened after that. When I gained some of my consciousness, I heard him. I heard him calling out my name. He was hurt and was dying. I could've still saved him if I just...if I dialed in for help on time or rushed him to some hospital. I tried. I tried...But I couldn't save him."

Shay remains frozen to her place, the sheets falling off her body, but she can't feel a thing. It's like she's living that horrible night all over again.

"He wanted to drive that day, but I said no. I should've died. He saved me. And he took my place. I can still hear his voice, repeating my name again and again, in an endless loop every single night. I watched him die. The last words he said was - 'I don't wanna die, Ry'." He falls on his knees, his hands holding a fistful of his hair, shuddering, heaving and murmuring the words that breaks him the most. "He trusted his life on me, and I shattered it. If I had just rushed him to a hospital in time or done something, anything instead of watching him die."

Shay takes a cautious step toward him and falls to his knees before him. Her words come out as a choked whisper. "You couldn't have saved him, Ry. Okay? There was nothing you could have done. Even if you'd had him in a hospital, he wouldn't make it."

The words almost slice her heart into two once again, but she needs to convey them to him. He can't carry the guilt forever. She reaches out to hold his face, but he jerks away.

"You shouldn't say that it wasn't my fault. It was my fault that Aarav died. I want him back. I want my brother back." With those last words, he let his head fall on her shoulder, and she felt warm wet tears on her skin.

They're silent at first, with Ryan letting out tamed tears, waiting to be condemned for his confession. Shay knows better. The accident, however painful, she had gone through every detail of it. The other driver was drunk driving, and there was no way Ryan could've prevented the accident. But she doesn't tell him those details or that it's okay.

"Let it out, Ry," she says. "Let that guilt out. It's the only way."

He breathes hard for several silent minutes, then finally looks up at her as if he can't believe she's still there. "Don't you hate me now, Shay?"

A sob forms in her throat as she shakes her vigorously. "I can never hate you, Ry."

His head falls on her lap, his hands holding the soft fabric of her dress as his tears soak them. They remain like that for several more minutes, and then he picks her up and carries her back to bed.

And this time, he leaves her alone in the bed, leaves the room, and closes the door after him.

***

Author's Note: Here's a newly added chapter for you guys. This one focuses on Ryan's pain and my man is carrying a lot of guilt within himself. 

Let me know if you felt his emotional turmoil as strongly as I did.

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