Tempting The Dominatrix

T W E N T Y - N I N E

I was confused. But at the same time, I understand. I haven't known her for long, but I knew that she was strong; hell, the strongest woman I've ever seen in my life. But I was exposed to a side of her that I had never seen before.

Vulnerability.

The way she looked at me, I knew, I could tell that she saw something in my eyes that I couldn't hide. I was used to her closed off demeanor. I was used to facing her mask, the one that was unrelenting, unforgiving, unwavering. However, there were moments where I saw a genuine side to her. The one that was kind to me. The one that reassured me I was good enough, even in comparison to the large beast of a man with muscles that protruded like benign growths. 

Not that I was judging, or jealous, or hostile or anything. Not at all.

But she saw something in my eyes, something that I tried so hard to push back into the recesses of my mind. 

Pity.

I tried, but I couldn't fucking push it aside. 

But I feel like she didn't understand where it was coming from.

But again, I can't blame her. 

But what she couldn't see was the understanding. 

I didn't know her pain.

But I knew pain.

The kind that rips your heart from your chest, stomps the bloody mass into the concrete, and attempts to place the wrangled pieces back into the hallow hole in your ribcage. But not correctly. No, instead it's shoved back in there in an angle, upside down, backwards, and eviscerated beyond fucking repair. 

I felt a kinship with her that I had never felt before. When she was in my arms, trembling, vulnerable, mewling, I never felt closer to her. I was transported to a time where I felt a loss so deep. I saw young version of myself in her. 

With every whimper, with every mewl, with every shudder wracking her body, I saw the glassy expression of death in my parents eyes. 

Hit from the side, the car tumbled. Again, and again, and again. I saw blood pooling beneath their limp bodies, I saw their bones broken and splintered in positions that exceeded comprehension. My mother's right arm was broken, completely contorted in a position that was terrifying to witness. I saw severed limbs – my father's right leg was 15 feet away from the wreckage. 

And I was the lucky one. The little 8 year old strapped to the backseat was left without a scratch. Left to watch the wreckage. Left to see watch my parents die a slow, agonizing death. 

Yes. I was the lucky one. 

I found myself in my dorm far too early. I wanted to stay with her longer. I wanted to hold her, I wanted to kiss her, I wanted to transfer any kind of positive energy from my body to hers through touch. Shit, I'm not great with positive energy but fuck, I would give her any that I had.