The Other Side Of Paradise

XXIII

She didn't want to believe Lauren was a bad person but the more she thought about the more sadness and anger overwhelmed her.

"S-She gave me—drugs—and.." Onika gulped before heading to the bathroom. She looked at the now dull and light hickies around her neck.

She looked back at herself—she felt her lip quiver. Flashes of Lauren on top of her—the night where Onika yelled and cried infront of her before running to her father all came in her head.

You can't consent while under the influence.

"I'm so stupid." She said shakily hugging herself.

She felt—violated in every way possible. She felt gross as she looked at herself. She wanted to forget—like always did.

Snort something—smoke it—whatever it was. She wanted something that would make her forget about the sorrow she was beginning to feel.

She looked up in the mirror at herself again and gulped.

"You have to deal—with your issues Oni." She mumbled looking at herself. She felt stupid talking to herself but she's found that it helps her a little.

"Abusing drugs—does more harm than good—I can deal with my issues in healthier w-ways." She mumbled. She still felt terrible but—she knew she couldn't turn to drugs.

She knew she shouldn't turn  to them even if she was given the access too.

She needed to clock in for the night, she hugged herself as she cried. She thought of Ming—Beyoncé. She wanted to make them proud—let them know she made it.

She wouldn't give in.

But she did still feel terrible. She felt a soft rub on her back she knew it was her father.

"It's okay to feel Onika. Feelings don't make you feel weak. Feelings make you human baby girl." Her father said and Onika hugged him as she cried.

"T-Thanks dad." She said sniffling and he nodded, "I'm proud of you Wheezy." He said trying to get her to smile and Onika cracked a smile through her tears a bit.

"F-Fuck you." Onika mumbled wiping more tears.

They stayed like that together hugging. Robert felt terrible knowing his daughter was going through this.

"S-She was my friend." Onika mumbled and Robert knew the girl felt betrayed.

"Was. I'm happy you're using past tense. She's not good for you." Robert mumbled and Onika nodded as she sniffled. She desperately wanted to believe she was good for her but—

She was starting to realize deep down that she wasn't.

"You're gonna be okay Oni, you know that?" Robert asked and Onika nodded. "Repeat it for yourself—like an affirmation." He said smiling and she cracked a smile.

"I'm gonna be okay." She sighed and he smiled.

"You're gonna be okay."

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Days At Bootcamp: 27.

Onika and her farther jogged on the beach together, she still couldn't keep up with him fully but she didn't fall each time anymore.

And on some days her farther painted with her—no matter how bad she was at it.

She felt this new feeling of prosperity—that she never wanted to go away. She'd be lying if she said she hadn't thought about any substances since she's been clean—but she doesn't crave them anymore.