Where the Hellebores Bloom

A white picket fence life

His room looks very different from what I remember. Before it was like an empty hotel room, but now I see him everywhere. In the pile of clothes by the floor, the messy bed, and the shoes peeking out from under the bed. His room has a fresh kind of smell. Soapy and sweet. I can't quite name the fragrance.

—Why don't you sit down? He says, cleaning up the clothes from the sofa under the window.

We sit down and stay in silence for some time. I don't know what I want to say to him. Nothing I say will change his opinion on vampires, but at least I want him to understand my decision.

I never thought I'd come to care for him like this. He used to be a person I felt like I had to avoid at all costs, to someone I'm glad to have in my life and want to call my friend frighteningly fast. There is something in the way he talks to me, like he has something he wants to say but can't find the words. It's almost like looking in a mirror. I fight with the words I want to say every day, trying to make sure I'm being understood and feeling so insecure about it that I end up not saying anything at all.

—You wanna talk? I ask, looking at my hands.

—About? He answers.

—Well... —I peek out of the window —the weather sucks today.

—The weather always sucks in Forks. He answers, smiling.

It's easy to talk to him. Honestly, too easy. I always talk too much when I'm with him and wonder if it's ok to be this honest. It's not like we're old friends, and although that's how I feel, I don't know if he feels the same. I'll start, and if it gets awkward, I'll change the subject.

—Are you... ok?

—...No.

—I can't... make you all right with what happened here, but I can guarantee you ahm... by personal experience that you will be fine.

—"I" will be all right?

—All right. Both of us.

Seth looks down, so I follow his eyes. He's looking at my bandaged up hand. It's not the best proof that he's safe, but this was just an accident.

—Oh, this? I guess this is an.... occupational hazard? He doesn't laugh at my bad joke.

—I thought you died, Anne. His eyes are so severe that it surprises me a bit. Sometimes he's so straightforward that I feel shy just being around him.

—Me too. I was afraid I was going to die.

—You're not afraid now?

I look at him, thinking about his question. I find the fear of having to leave Esme, of hurting the people I care about, of being alone. But, I can't find fear for the Cullens or for the fact they are vampires. To me, that's just a minor detail. The future is much more frightening. It can bring anything, including my memories.

—I don't know. Right now, I feel relieved I'm alive, and I can keep living in this house.

—Why do you want to stay?

Here it comes, the unsolicited honesty. I take a deep breath before speaking.

—Esme saved my life, and I want to give something in return, but honestly? I like living here. I feel safe.

Seth thinks about what I said for a moment, and I'm not sure if it was his intention, but his following words hurt me.

—They can't stay here very long, and you can't be with them forever.