American Boy ✔️

Chapter Eighteen

"Wow, so you're going to put this on me? I did all of it, I did all of that shit for you! For us!"

It was the same thing.

Lagi niyang excuse ay ginawa raw niya yun para kay mommy at para sa kanilang dalawa. I have no idea what he did but if that's what made my mom choose to never let my father enter my life, then it must be pretty bad.

Kahit na 'di ko man sila makita ngayon at nakikinig lang ako, ramdam ko na puno ng galit at sakit ang ekspresyon ng mukha ni mommy.

She went through a lot and I've seen all of it, but it was the first time when I saw her face with so much pain when she had her first confrontation with my father in front of me that day.

"For us? Para sa'tin? Pero nagpakasal ka sa kanya, para sa'tin din ba yun?"

Huminga ako nang malalim sa narinig ko at pinikit ang mga mata ko rin.

That was also a mystery.

He loved her, he loved her truly but in the end, he married another woman a few years after their breakup, even had kids with her.

Kung mahal mo talaga yung tao, bakit ka pa hahanap nang iba?

Bakit ka nga ba nakahanap nang iba pagkatapos niyo agad maghiwalay, hm?

Parang hanggang ngayon may butas pa rin yung puso ni mommy, parang hanggang ngayon masakit pa rin.

Maybe, maybe I will never get the answer.

Maybe, maybe I will never understand why she's still in pain.

Maybe, maybe I will never understand why he did what he did.

Maybe, maybe I will never understand how easy it is for him to find someone else and marry that someone when he loved her for a decade.

Maybe, maybe I will never understand love.

I mean, ano namang alam ko sa pag-ibig? Wala pa akong alam dahil hindi ko pa nararanasan, pero alam ko, alam ko na mararanasan ko rin yun.

Sometimes I feel that rush of excitement whenever I think of falling in love with someone who's falling in love with me too.

But realistically speaking, not everything that I have read or dreamt of is going to happen.

Kung ganito na nga kasakit na magkagusto sa isang tao, paano pa kaya kapag nahulog na 'ko nang husto at mahal ko na siya?

Paano kung mas lalo lang akong mapa-ibig kay Alexander?

Paano kung mahulog pa ako nang mahulog?

Saan ang landing ko o walang tigil lang talaga ang hulog ko dito?

Paano kung mahulog lang ako sa sahig na puno ng apoy at masunog lang ako?

Paano kung mahulog lang ako at puno pala nang tinik yung landing ko?

E 'di patay ako?

God... there is something wrong with me.

This is too dark for me now.

Kung ano ano nanaman ang pinagiisip ko. I should just focus on my classes right now.

"Oh, Alexand--" I was going to greet him but I stopped immediately from completing my greeting.

'Di ko natapos dahil sa itsura nang mukha niya. I let him walk pass by me with solemn expression on his face.