Found Diary Entry #6

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September 12, 2018 21:53

so this is the honest truth. if my mom ever sees this, i hope it completely sends her into cardiac arrest or something.

my mom thinks that our relationship before shit hit the fan was good. every time i hear that i fucking cackle like a crackhead witch it's insane. like tears running down my face and all.

our relationship wasn't good before. i never said i loved her and never hugged her or kissed her or anything. you wanna know why?

because i only tolerated her.

i was as nice as i could manage only because i didn't want to get grounded from my phone. my phone was more important than her, and it's always been that way. i was nice so i wouldn't lose it.

and now that i don't have the phone, why should i be goody two-shoes? she isn't giving me anything i want, so i'm not gonna give her what she wants.

almost every adult i encounter says "well shes your mother." but like i don't fucking care? if she's gonna disrespect me and treat me like she doesn't give a shit about how i feel, i'm gonna reflect that because she doesn't get to treat me like human garbage just because she's my fucking mom.

no mom should borderline disown their daughter because she fucked around and fell in love. i wasn't even pregnant and she sent me through rehab acting like i was. she was like "well you could've been!"

like damn woman if i did get pregnant then i would've dealt with that too, but since i'm not stop acting like i am!

and she's so goddamn petty, in case i didn't already say that. she won't give me full access to technology yet because i'm not nice to her. like what the fuck? that's like a whole ass long looking down on one person and saying "because you talked bad about me i'm gonna send you to the guillotine!"

like what the actual fuck.

it's just her exercising her power of being a legal parent and legal adult over me.

like she's gonna be real sorry when i'm living on my own and i never visit her and i block her on everything and she somehow gets forwarded a picture of me living with my amazing ass husband and she's gonna get mad because she doesn't approve of my choices.

like... which one of us will be single for the rest of their life again?

(side note: probably me because no one fucking stays in my life long enough or even likes me for a second and if someone does then i'll be too traumatized by my childhood to pursue a lasting relationship.)

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