Many people sit down to talk about their hobbies or interests. The only things occupying my mind are memories. Most of them aren't even pleasant. Here are the ones that haven't been entirely forgotten. Some are more vivid than others.
...
I will be...
Content Warning: graphic, personal depictions of sexual assault. Talk of suicide. Sexual content.
Eighth grade ended uneventfully. Tyler and I had our first kiss in the woods behind the school, reluctantly on my part. I remember pacing along the river bank, avoiding his eyes because I knew what he wanted. He kept pulling on my sleeves, dragging me closer. He kissed with his whole mouth, inside and out. It was like a dog, so much saliva. His limp, greasy curls dangled between us. I hated it.
From that point forward, he was always in my face trying to steal kisses. He'd pull me around corners, into random rooms, anywhere he could to get one. I usually declined, feeling too awkward. I never was a PDA girl, or even a privately affectionate one.
Sometimes, he'd sit across from me at tables and put his feet between my legs, trying to "pleasure" me by wiggling his toes aimlessly on the general area of my crotch. Or he'd sit beside me, and stick his hands inside my jacket to cop a feel. It always unnerved me, but I felt I wasn't allowed to say no. He was my "boyfriend" after all.
Bryce contacted me after a long time of radio silence, and invited me to a dinner with his friends. I accepted of course. Anything to distract me from the turmoil that seemed to follow me.
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We went to eat at Chili's, a less than fancy sit-down restaurant. Bryce and I sat together across from his friends. One was a quiet girl I'd never met before, and the other was the darker haired boy from his last birthday party. I'd found him strangely alluring last time, and that feeling reoccurred.
The dark haired boy, Spencer, had a lot to say. He was very charismatic, very loud. He was captivating when he told stories, and never failed to make anything sound interesting and humorous. His lips curled up on one side when he smiled, laughing at his own retelling. He even made me feel included, which was rare.
He was on a pseudo date with the girl next to him, just testing the waters. Bryce and I were definitely not on a date, he just needed a plus one.
I was drawn to him, and needed more. We exchanged snaps at the end of the dinner, and Bryce took me home.
Spencer and I didn't talk too much at first. We got to know each other a little bit, and shared some secrets for fun. In a way, I felt I was cheating on Tyler. But I didn't really like Spencer that way, and wasn't really trying to pursue a relationship with him.
Tyler and I decided to celebrate the end of school by going to his house to swim. He invited a friend over, Joseph, to hang out with us. When I arrived, the two of them were playing pool in the garage. Tyler ran to greet me, and I waved to Joseph.
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