My Policeman - A possible Sequel

VI - 6

In Venice one of my dreams came true. A dream I had almost since I met my policeman for the first time. He taught me how to swim. Like he did with Marion. I was really ambitious. Tried to impress my policeman. Wanted to do better than Marion at all costs. And I got rewarded. My policeman told me how much better I did that her. Looking back, I feel a little bit bad for it now. Marion didn't deserve all that. She was a good person after all. And she really loved him, just like me.

Venice made us reckless and I wonder that no one said something about us. My policeman started to be more offensive in Venice and I couldn't resist. He took my hand in empty streets, sat so close next to me in restaurants that our thighs touched and kissed me in the hotel elevator. We've never been as free and careless as we were in Venice again.

Sometimes I think about what would've had happened, when my policeman and I would've just stayed in Venice. Things would've been different. Better probably. Marion would've written the letter. I would've been in prison and my policeman wouldn't have been so distanced from me. It really hurt me. When I knew that he was next door, unreachable for me. We didn't talk about it. We don't talk much in general anymore. Not because we don't want to. Because I can't. No interpreting of art anymore. Just the most necessary stuff. Food. Water. Toilet. Pillows. I love you. Every word makes my throat hurt more and more. That's why my policeman showed me a gesture, a gesture that's usually used by deaf people. Fists together and moving thumbs up and down. Sweetheart.

Now my policeman usually sits on the edge of my bed and sometimes even in my bed and tells me about all the crimes he had to deal with. Thieves, accidents and bicycle ladies. No tragedies.

I told my policeman to read my diary when I'm not here anymore. I don't like to say 'When I'm gone' or 'When I've left', because it sounds like I would leave him deliberately. But I won't ever leave him. My body will. Soon I won't be able to fight against it anymore. Last week the doctor came. He asked my policeman to talk with him next door. But the walls are thin and my hearing was still pretty good. I heard them talking. He's got a week.