The Heart of Camilo (A Camilo Madrigal x Reader Fem Y/N Story)

Grounding

"We're going to talk about Y/N, we're going to talk about all of it," he replied calmly. "The reason you're having nightmares, the reason all of this is so upsetting is because you never dealt with it, never confronted it. It happened, and you got this great distraction right after, and never processed anything."

"What distraction?" I asked bitterly. 

"Y/N," my father replied. "Your new relationship. Why worry about or think about the terrible things that happened when you can just dive into your new relationship and just be happy?"

"What's wrong with being happy?" I said harshly. "You think she and I should have sat around and cried about it?"

"Probably, yes," he said. "Or at least taken some time to discuss it and address it once you saw you were starting to have nightmares. That was the biggest clue that you weren't okay and you never mentioned it."

"I'm not going to bother Y/N or anyone else with the fact that I had a couple of bad dreams," I said dismissively. "That makes me sound like I'm even more pathetic than I am."

"And yet, here you are, on the edge of losing the person you love because you didn't," he said, his calm tone starting to slip as his patience with my defensiveness was running low.

I stared at him. Despite the numbness, the rising anger, that hit a chord in me. I did not want to lose her. "What do you mean?" I asked, working hard to keep my voice from shaking. "You saw her? She said that?"

"We didn't see her, but I think that says something in and of itself," he said. "She was supposed to come today and help Luisa with the final dress fitting with all the girls and she didn't come."

I struggled to take a breath in, that goddamn familiar feeling creeping back, crushing anxiety, its grip on my chest holding me. "What... what do you mean? You think she won't even ...?" I had to stop, my chest was tightening so much. I put my hand on my chest, wishing I could reach in and pull out whatever made this feeling happen.

"Okay, right there," my father said. "You're panicking. Now stop and tell me exactly what you're scared of, just list it out, everything." I glared at him, confused, and it must have shown on my face because he continued. "Naming all your fears will help, just say it, don't keep it in."

I struggled to breath, wanting more than anything to do something to release it, scream, hit the wall. "That's ... that's ... not going to help," I shot back. "I just need to not -"

"Will you just do as I say?" he asked.

I glared at him. "I'm scared of losing her," I said finally, after catching my breath.

"And?" he urged me on. My mother was looking nervously between us as we talked back and forth.

"That's it," I said. "I just ... I don't want to lose her. I did something stupid."

"But you have been scared of losing her even before what happened two years ago, so let's also talk about that," he said.

"What? No, I wasn't," I retorted. "Like I said yesterday, I was scared her psycho mom will come back and try to kill her again! I'm scared she'll leave me. I'm scared she'll know how I useless I am."

"Yes, you keep calling yourself that," my father said patiently. "And I thought it was heart-breaking how you are linking Y/N with your feelings surrounding your gift and how this family treats you."

"I'm not!" I cried. "She's the only one who I was ever good enough for, just as myself."

"Until yesterday," he said. "I think you have been scared your whole life that Y/N would finally make you feel the way the rest of us do - that you are not good enough when you are you. When everything happened two years ago, when you were attacked, hurt, withheld from being able to protect her, that increased that fear. You felt even more useless than you already did. You associated all that insecurity with her mother, understandably enough, and when Y/N began to discuss her feelings about it, you couldn't separate them out. It wasn't just that her mom did terrible things, that she physically hurt you, it ignited a fear that you have had since you were very young."