It Starts Here / 𝗯𝘅𝗯 (✓)

6: High school and heartaches

Felix doesn't tell him that he thinks his heart will stop beating if he does. He also doesn't tell him his second biggest secret. He just nods and lets Ares hug him properly this time, Felix resting his face comfortably in the crook of his neck.

They start high school together, open and vulnerable. At least, that's how Felix likes to think of it.

Felix is horrified to find out that they only share two classes the next five years of their school lives: History and Chemistry. Ares says that it'll be fine because they will still be able to eat lunch together, but Felix can tell that it affects him just as much as it does Felix.

The days are long and tiring when you don't get to see your best friend, Felix finds. Still, he considers himself the lucky one: Keyomii is in almost all of his classes and somehow, she knows everyone. So, Felix is introduced to everyone. He tries his best to see them as friends, but all he can think about is how he just wants to talk quietly with Keyomii in the corner and can't wait to see Ares in the break. 

On Friday, the last day of their first week, Felix finds Ares by his locker, waiting for him. Felix smiles as Ares starts to rant about all of the people he has met the past week, how one of them has danced ballet since she was a kid and another strives to become a professional football player. It's with a stick of jealousy that Felix realizes that he was lucky to have Keyomii around, but that he is also the one who needs it the most. Ares collects friends like he writes his stories: fast but detailed. There is no one he forgets to mention. 

There's a Nina who promised him she'd show him a picture of her snakes she has at home. There's a Jack who plays lacrosse almost religiously and an Abdel who wants to become a lawyer and a Craig who paints. 

"Oh, and then there's Sara," Ares says. When Felix asks if she's cool, he shrugs. "She's nice. Loves to play basketball. I like her."

Felix doesn't think too much of it because then Ares tells him about Freddy who is paler than the moon and has even more freckles than their dotted notebook pages have. Felix laughs at the comparison and asks if he's cool, too. Ares says that he is and that he likes to talk about cars.

"And I wrote a new story!" Ares grins and he leans closer to Felix when he says, "I made the main character gay."

Felix blinks. "You did?"

Ares nods, looking excited. "To celebrate you coming out of course!"

Felix smiles, feeling something warm spread through his stomach. "Thanks, Ares."

"Don't worry," Ares says as the school bell rings, "you're falling in love with another animal in it, too. A shark, actually."

The conversation is over before Felix can ask him if his favorite animal is still a shark.

When Ares winks at him playfully, squeezing his shoulder before running the opposite way, Felix feels a spark of hope inside his chest. He lets it unfold until it fills his everyday life and it reminds him every time he's with Ares that maybe—just maybe—he has a chance.

Two months later, Ares has a girlfriend.

Ultimately, Felix stands there and doesn't know why he thought anything would—could—change between them after baring his heart and telling him that he likes boys. It's not like he admitted the worst part: that his heartstrings reach for more than just random boys in the hallways, that they sometimes reach for Ares and find that no one is there.

He doesn't know why he expects something to change but he does. He remembers vaguely thinking that he and Ares had all the time in the world and that he would spend all of it waiting for him if needed.