It Starts Here / 𝗯𝘅𝗯 (✓)

6: High school and heartaches

CHAPTER SIX
Thirteen years old

Felix decides that he will come out to Ares before they start high school.

And suddenly they're starting high school.

It's the last day of summer vacation when Felix realizes that Ares doesn't know about his tendency to get crushes on boys walking past him on the street (he has no idea how Keyomii has kept it a secret all this time or maybe she has just forgotten) and that maybe he wants him to know.

So, Felix comes out to Ares when he walks him home from a day at his house, baking.

Ares smells like chocolate chips and warm cookies and it's nice, but Felix is pretty sure that all he smells of himself is baking powder and burned dough. He hopes Ares can't tell.

"Ares," Felix says when he has counted to twenty. Ares hums and glances his way before mindlessly following a bird walking across the sidewalk with his eyes.

"See that bird–" Ares begins and at the same time, Felix closes his eyes and says, "I'm gay."

Ares halts and Felix opens his eyes again to see him turn his head. "The bird is gay?"

Felix shakes his head and averts his eyes, repeating, "I'm gay."

"Oh."

Felix doesn't know how to interpret the sound of the one-syllable word and, for a moment, Felix thinks that he was wrong to tell him. Maybe Ares doesn't want a friend who is gay and now he can only think about how high school will give him the perfect opportunity to get normal friends who like girls like he does.

Felix crushes his eyes together. "I'm sorry–" but then Ares is hugging him and Felix is taken aback by the sudden irritation filling him. If this is Ares trying to be nice before he tells him that he'd rather have them go separate ways now, he doesn't appreciate it. "What are you doing?"

"I'm hugging you," Ares says, oblivious to Felix's horrible thoughts. "They say to give them a hug if they come out to you."

"Who?"

"The internet."

"You don't have to hug me if you're just going to leave anyway," Felix blurts out. He doesn't actually mean to say it or to sound this angry, but he knows he can't take it back when Ares lets go of him, looking at him like Felix is the one breaking Ares' heart.

"Wha– Why would I leave?"

Felix holds his breath and shrugs.

"Felix"—Ares stresses his name—"I'm your best friend, aren't I?"

"Julian said he was my friend, too," Felix says. He finds Ares' eyes. "And then he said we couldn't be anymore because he found out I'm gay."

Ares wrinkles his nose. "That's what happened?"

Felix shrugs again. Almost like saying that it doesn't matter even thought it feels like it does.

"I'm not going to leave just because you're gay," Ares says and pauses. "I'm not ever going to leave you."

Felix thinks they're big words coming from a thirteen-year-old boy who's only just about to start high school with his best friend of five years—who doesn't even know the worst part of it all—but Felix still wants to believe him even if he doesn't. 

"But," Felix says, "now you know."

"Now I know," Ares echoes, like it means nothing that he does. "Can I hug you?"