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28

Time seems to move so fast that I feel like I'm on the verge of breaking down.

Tachysensia. It's this rare condition when someone gets the "fast feeling" that everything is moving more rapidly than it actually is.

I breathe in relief upon reading that on my Google search, though I know my unease is due to something else. Or rather, someone.

I've been married to Hyun Bin for three weeks now. It was a quick, simple session at the courthouse followed by a lively traditional Korean ceremony at home, attended by our family and friends.

We started our life together as newlyweds at his residence which is located at the suburb of New York. It takes forty minutes to travel to the city since my office is at the centre but I'm totally fine with it considering I'd be taking the subway so I'll just chill and read during the ride.

Though I'm totally surprised to find the entire neighbourhood is made up of Korean families which a few of them are related to him.

It's like a little Korean village in New York, to be honest I really feel like I'm in Korea because everybody speaks Korean be it at the stores or restaurants, or even people on the street. Even some who don't look Asian speak Korean too, I believe they are the spouse or partner of a Korean here.

The first week was awkward, especially because we don't really know each other. It's a given since the only time we meet was during the once-a-week lunch on Saturdays. Which that too, include my extended family so there wasn't much of alone time between us.

We slept in the same room, on the same bed, but we're so polite to each other I think the most we did was to hug at times, not even a kiss.

We got married on a Saturday, and only six days later we flied to Cancun for our honeymoon. Due to sharing the same space as well as the limited knowledge of the Spanish language, we somehow bonded and got closer.

By the end of the five days vacation, we're more relaxed and comfortable with each other. There was still some reservation such as sex, but at least we're calling each other Yeobo, which means Honey in Korean, usually a nickname exchanged between married couple.

I took two weeks leave from work just to get my head straight for my new life, and only returned in the middle of the week.

Hyun Bin works from home so he'd send me to the subway station in the morning and pick me up later around seven, then we'd cook together and have dinner, spending time like a true married couple.

I'd be lying if I tell you I didn't think about him at all.

In fact, he's all I've been thinking the first week I was married. I had been waiting like an idiot, obsessing over the possibility if he was going to send a text or give me a call, if he was going to cash in his promise.

I lived in fear wondering if he's going to come unannounced and drag me out of my home which I now reside with my husband, making a scene in front of the neighbours that I said hi to every day.

I'm sure I'd freak out if it wasn't for the honeymoon because on the second Saturday, I was far away from New York. There was no way I could get to him if he indeed instructed me to fulfill my part of the promise.

Unless... he decided to ruin my honeymoon and fly to Cancun just to make me have sex with him.

Two Saturdays passed by and I began to feel better and got comfortable with my new life because Gabriel didn't reach out to me at all. It seemed he was just threatening me. Perhaps he said it purely because he was so upset to know about the wedding last-minute, to be dumped abruptly without a hint. He had no intention to make me cheat on my husband the way I told him I did with him.

It was the third Saturday when Hyun Bin and I finally decided we're ready for the next step of our relationship.

I was so against this marriage back then, and I did it just to escape my rapist, but it turns out Hyun Bin is actually a pretty nice guy.

We talked a lot, and through these conversations I found us to be quite similar and that we want the same things in life. We prioritise our career, but maybe in a year or two we can discuss further about having a family. For now we'd better create a strong foundation which means, to have a good relationship between us.

But sure, he's a small guy compared to other men I met in life. I mean, he's at the same height as me and I'm only five feet tall. He lacks on the physical attributes but I'd say he's pretty descent in other areas.

I'm torn between being honest about the way he kisses or just keep it to myself, cross my finger and hope he'd be better at it as time goes because... yeah, he's a bad kisser.

Gabriel and Juliette definitely get a full mark in this but Hyun Bin... he made me wonder if I am the only girl he has ever kissed.

But he claimed he had two relationships before we got married. Hmm.

Sex with him... well, sex means sex, like literally taking off the pants and inserts his penis inside, humps for a few times then that's all.

It was weird but I don't think it's right to comment about it rightaway, or ever. Perhaps he'll get better at it too..?

I feel so bad for comparing him with all the guys I've been with but I really can't help it; the sex is the worst I've ever had.

We've been together for four times now, each time was as bad as the previous one.

Urgh, do I have to choose between a good guy but bad sex, or a rapist with hella good skills in bed? Really?

Four Seasons, 1998. 3pm.

I groan reading the text I just got from him. Just when I thought my life is going somewhere, he had to come back and ruin it again. After three weeks. Why?

Why, Gabriel?