My Unrequired Crush

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I barely close my eyes that night, tossing and turning for hours. At some point past midnight he tucked me in his arms, cocooning me in the sweet embrace he would never allow when awake. Which surprised me, I always assumed I was the one that cuddled with him after I was knocked out unconscious, but apparently he seeks it just as much.

Which confused me further. I knew he went through a lot, and that he had traumas he might not fully overpower anytime soon. Or ever. But this felt too much.

I left that morning before he woke up, needing to clear my mind and went over these past months and how they unfolded. It was always me moving things forward. Seeking him, meeting him midway, making concessions. He defended me, true. He empowered me, that was also true. And he allowed the sweet safety to sink in my guts, but through all that he only really went out his way for me once: after our first kiss.

Otherwise, he just went along with me and it was exhausting to think I was the only one that wanted this enough to fight for it. Exhausting and heartbreaking.

Were we going somewhere?

So yes, now I wasn't exactly on my best moment with him. It wasn't like I was ignoring him, I just took my time answering. Or suddenly was very busy with our finals and last works -which wasn't a lie either.

But I shrugged at Macy. "I need time to think."

Her eyes softened, she was already updated with all my drama. "If it means anything; I know you're going through stuff and all, but if you talk about it I'm sure you can work things out."

"Or he'll decide it's too complicated and break up. No, not break up, because apparently we're not even worth a status."

"You sound bitter." I felt bitter. I was on the verge of a break up -or whatever- that I couldn't even mourn properly. "He likes you very much, you really should see the way he looks at you."

"He doesn't look at me any different than he looks at anyone else. With coldness."

She snorted. "He does to anyone else, but not to you. He looks at you like you're the last drop in the desert."

My heart picked up and I looked at her as we neared the cafeteria. "Does he?"

"I'm telling you." she nodded. "And he always keeps you so close, it's cute. Like he can't help but orbit around."

I laughed at her dreamy tone. "That's not true." I was the one orbiting around him.

"I'm sure it isn't if you look at it from the inside, but outside it's so obvious you're his weak spot."

His weak spot. I didn't know if I wanted to be anyone's weak spot. I want him to feel strong, and brave and sure when he was with me. Like I felt whenever he was in the room. But not a weak spot, something he would learn to abhor once surpassed the initial infatuation. If I even awoke infatuation in him. I wasn't sure about anything anymore. Maybe it was just curiosity and I was making it so easy for him.

"That doesn't sound so good." I pursed my nose and she rolled her eyes, intertwining our arms as we entered the cafeteria.

"The ever present pessimist."

"Well, you know me."

"I do."

 I smiled and was about to say something, but my blood froze when my eyes meet some pale ones across the room, sitting with the rest of the cheer squad and jocks at the popular table.

Jade had left me alone since the run-in behind the bleachers. True was it that we really ain't seen each other since but still. Her lip looked better now, still split, but not swollen anymore and the scab barely even there.