He's cold, insensitive and rude... But why can't I stay away?
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My love life was the last of my problems. Last year, bullies, penny less... Senior year didn't present itself exactly as a dream. And everything gets even worst when...
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I could feel my phone buzzing again in my pocket and this time I dared to slide it out. Since we weren't in class anymore, there was no problem checking it no w and once unlocking the screen I found out it was Connor once more. Like I'd first thought.
I didn't open it, feeling my stomach clenching and slid the item back in my pocket.
Hold your ground.
Macy perked one brow, resting her back against the locker beside mine. I felt bad for not remembering what were we talking about before the interruption, but lately it felt like Connor deactivates my brain function.
"Was it Connor again?" she wondered and I blushed, pulling away the books, my bag and then closed the locker softly.
"Uh, yeah."
She scoffed a laugh as we walked down the hallway. "What? Are you giving him the silent treatment?"
"No." My face was still burning and I felt the buzzing of a new text in my pocket. "I just want to see if he works for me."
"As in?"
"As in: would he react if I'm not the one making us work?"
"What for?" she frowned dropping her own stuff in her locker and like that we were off towards the cafeteria. "I thought you guys were good."
"It's not like we aren't." I fiddled with the hems of my shirt. "I just want to know where we stand."
"Is this still because what happened at the expo?"
Yes, but I shrugged, not really convinced about not sounding childish or whiny. Back in the exposition he claimed he was my boyfriend to Brett and Dylan, but then couldn't muster the guts to ask me out. And he didn't for the whole day.
At the moment I didn't really mind it because I was overwhelmed by the results of the scouts. It went so great I couldn't even believe it. They got a few questions about the motives, inspiration and creation, they asked about my grades and family too, and by the end Mr Medina went off expressionless but the other smiled warmly and say they'd keep in touch.
That was good, right? Everyone believed so, so I decided I'd let my nerves consume me later. Ever since then I'd felt like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders.
But Connor? The insecurities began to rise that night. I stayed at the Mendleys place and he fell asleep half way through the movie. It was in that moment, with his head on my lap, his hair through my fingers, and a meaningless movie on that I realized: I got no clue what to expect from this. And that was scary as hell because I was already waist deep in this whatever. But he wouldn't even consider us a thing.
I was falling harder than him. I always had but now, with the end of high school so close and other things finally rolling well in my life, I took the time to consider what I wanted from this. Not like, big plans for the future, but a tag? Was it really that much to ask for?
