The Only String Attached 2

10

He was silent,eye's closed,uneven breaths,jaw clenched.Trying to calm his anger.

"What happened now Mahir?Reality..sorry,my acting show is playing in front of your eye's?"I asked.

He opened his eye's and stared at me,
"You know Bela..I didn't mean what I said",he said with a clenched jaw.

"Sleeping means..sex?Hmm?"I asked,tears selling up in my eye's.

"You think that..I was dying to sleep...oh sorry,dying to have sex with you right?"I asked,my voice breaking.

The only question I couldn't ask him during that time and all these months.

"Sleeping doesn't mean sex,Mahir.It means just sleep and nothing else,just hug me tight..hold my hand..and..and just comfort me",I said.

"Bela..no..I didn't mean it",he said.

"Then why did you utter that bullshit?"I shouted,pushing him by his chest.

"When you don't mean it...why did you talk like that?From where did you get those thoughts?"I shouted pushing him again.

"All these years..you think that I slept with you just for sex.You saw my desperation in bed but not in my heart?"I shouted,almost sobbing.

Because I've been keeping this to myself all these months.I didn't say about this to anyone,not our parents nor any of my friends.

I'm feeling heavy to keep it within me.Eating me from inside daily,slowly.

He was silent,unable to look at me and utter anything with shame.

"Look at me",I said helding his jaw and making him look at me.

"If I ever got to know that your thinking is like this..I would..I would never be with you Mahir Sehgal",I sobbed.

"Do you know how much your words effected me?Did you know?"I cried helding his collar.

"These words used to ring in my ear's..every time when I look at my daughter.Who is a carbon copy of you.The moment I look at her..I used to feel that..was she made just out of sex..and not love?"I cried.

His eye's were also spilling,wetting his tee.

"Tell me..is Mahira nothing to you?Me?To us?"I yelled.

"She is my everything",he said slowly.

"She is just a result of me warming your bed?Not our love?"I cried in a defeated tone and he looked at me now.

"These words are hurting you right?Then just think..what I went through with your words",I sobbed and moved back.

"So you are retaliating it now? Hmm?"he asked.

"I don't have to retaliate anything for you,you are just a coward who cannot accept your own mistakes",I said wiping my tears.

"Yes,I am a coward.I am a coward who cannot face the reality.But you are even more than that Bela",he said.

"Really?Maybe I am.I am coward..sorry,I am a shameful coward who is not able to explain her parent's about my separation with my husband",I said.

"I am scared that my father will never allow me to see my husband if I tell him the shit you said.I am scared that my in-laws will disown you for your pathetic behavior,and you know what is my biggest fear?"I said.

"I am scared that my daughter will never get to see her father.That is my biggest fear Mahir",I said pushing him back.

"And I am a coward to say this all in front of my family",I shouted.