WHEN WE SHINE.

chapter twelve.

I left the dining area, walking back to her own room. Looking behind, she jumped slightly while she walked, like she was playing around. A smile formed my lips, and I shook my head. Atlas wants his wife to baby her, Oceana's an actual baby. Why the hell am I surrounded with these types of people?

When we got to her room, I sat at the chair across her bed. She stood in front of me, but not looking at my eyes.

"Sit." I said, she followed. "You comfortable enough?"

She shook her head, she moved deeper inside the bed, the sheets covering her legs. She looked back at me, still with the confused face. "What's happening?" she asked.

"I'm going to tell you a story, Oceana." I spoke, my shoulders tensed.

I've never told anyone about my past, not even my ex girlfriends or flings. I figured it wasn't required to tell someone about my life before. But Oceana is someone who doesn't know anything with this type of life, she's innocent, pure and a ball full of hope. She shines in a world full of darkness, and I hope, after this, she would still shine as much.

My life story is different from the others, I wasn't born because they wanted a son, I was born because they wanted a monster, a soldier, someone they would use for business. I was never loved, or even looked at.

Did I hate it? Yes. But as I grew up and realized that my parents only used me as a thing, and never a person. Did I learn from it? Very much.

"Do you know how a kid is made, Oceana?" I asked, she nodded. I mean, sex, of course. "No, look deeper into it. Do you know why a kid is made?" I asked again, looking deeper into her eyes.

"Because they wanted a kid, a family?" She questioned. I nodded, figuring out my next words.

"Were you made because of love, Oceana?" Her eyes deepened and she froze. Something in her shifted away. Something new. Something I don't know. It made me curious, made me want to know her more. Sure, I did spy on her, but I didn't check her background. I would never do that to someone so pure and innocent. I knew it the first time I saw her, she's different.

She didn't respond, so I continued. "Some kids are not made because of love, some are just made for fun, for business, or someone to continue their family blood, but never because of love. Use me as an example. The devil made me, no love, no heart, no smile, no hope. The devil made me for business." I felt my throat dried up, so I gulped. Her eyes stared into mine. "I need you, Oceana. I need you to stop this... this connection we have. I need it out of my system." I wasn't expecting for my heart to hurt, but it did.

I don't want to leave this place with her in my mind. No. Fuck that. It'll give me a reason to come back here, a reason to continue this dirty work my father gave me, gave us. I want an end to it all. If I don't come back, then everything will go as planned. Atlas will come home, have his own life without the mob, without this.

Oceana's eyes burned with hope. And I'm back to square one: how does her eyes light up with hope while I tell her to stop?

"Y—you feel it too?" She asked, stuttering.

Fuck, I've felt it since I saw her. It wasn't about her beauty, or the way she walked, it was of the way she talked to me, the way she rolled her eyes at me and the way she made me feel like a human being and not some kind of monster. All this time, she's been hiding from me.

"Yes, and I don't fucking love it, piccolina." I said, ashamed of myself. Coward, my father would say. Pretend you don't have feelings, son, you are better off without those damn feelings. They make you weak.