Not Deadly

Chapter three

Zainab's POV
Back in my room, I removed my long veil and threw it across the room making it land beside my bed. I stood by the door staring with bored eyes at the place my veil was now resting. The plan was to get it on the bed, not beside it. Now I had to travel all the way to the bedside to grab it and that was too much for me, I am too tired. I kissed my teeth and rolled my eyes before dragging myself to pick it up. Once that was done, I dumped myself on the bed, laying flat on my back with my laptop sitting on my abdomen. I turned the laptop on and the first thing I saw was a picture of me and Baba ice skating and laughing at something. I couldn't help but stretch my hand to touch Baba's smiling face, which was now six feet underground. I sighed sadly, closed the laptop slowly and placed it gently on the bed. I used my hands to support my head as I stared at my ceiling, wondering what Baba would be doing right now, if he was still here.
He used to leave for work very early in the morning and he would come back by evening with lots and lots of candies for Abdul and me. He often got nothing for Mama which obviously sometimes made her really upset. And anytime she felt upset like that, he would go out and get something nice for her as well. He loved Mama and us a lot, we were his one and only family after all.
I sighed sadly, wiping a stray tear with my left thumb. "Miss you Baba, even though it has just been a few hours, I am missing your presence already. Wherever you are, I hope you are having fun and continue looking after us please," I released a shaky breath I didn't realize I was even holding. I rose up immediately after I saw that it was past 6pm and went straight to the bathroom to perform wudu. I hadn't prayed Asr and now it was time for maghrib.

Once I was done with my prayers, I headed downstairs expecting a very chaotic living room due to Abdul's excitement about the States. He has never travelled outside Istanbul before so this will be his first time. Instead, I find him and Mama sitting quietly on the couch directly facing the television staring at nothing. I scoffed and stared at the ceiling. Who was I even kidding? Did I really think the States could replace the huge hole Baba's death left in our hearts? I almost laughed out loud at that. I felt really stupid for that thought.
I knew why Mama had agreed in the first place, and I certainly knew why Baba had built that house and made us citizens as well. She didn't agree because she was excited to go or anything, she agreed to go because her life depended on it.

"Hey Abdul," he cocked his head at me and raised his eyebrows, asking me what I wanted with that small gesture. "Have you prayed?"
"Nope, not yet," he sighed and got up from the couch. He stretched his body, yawning at the same time. "What about you?" He stopped stretching and faced me with a straight face. "Yeah, I have," I said walking towards Mama but Abdul stopped me with by sticking his arm out and blocking my way. I gave him a flat look and tried to remove his hand but it didn't move. For a sixteen year old, he was quite strong, too strong for that matter. I tried again but this time, I bit hard on his wrist and he winced and took it out of the way. I smirked with triumph whereas he glared at me from the ground. I shrugged and mouthed a sorry before I shifted my attention to mother.
"Hey Mother," I rubbed my palm nervously against my sweater as I took a seat next to her. She raised her brows and made a small gesture with her hand, asking me why. "Nothing, just, wondering if you are alright?" I almost groaned out loud after realizing what had just spewed out of my mouth. I gave mother an apologetic look to which she only smiled. She always only smiled, and that had always been enough for me and Abdul.
We sat in comfortable silence staring at ourselves on the dark screen of the television which would have been making a lot of noise due to the evening news if Baba was here. I remember one time, the noise got so loud that Abdul and I hid the remote for a whole week just to keep buy us a few days of quietness. But our plan didn't work at all! Because Baba bought a new remote the very next day the old one went 'missing.' He went back to watching television with a very high volume. We all go so fed that we bought earplugs and soundproofed our rooms including the kitchen. It has solved our problem since then. I smiled slightly at that memory. Too bad the earplugs and the soundproof won't be needed again.
"I never wanted this," Mama said quietly as she stared completely zoned out at the television. "I never wanted to stay in Istanbul," she moved her eyes from the television and fixed them on me with a sad smile plastered on her face. "After your father and I got married and had you, I wanted to stay in the States for a while but your father kept insisting we move back to Istanbul, he wanted to meet his mother since it has been a longtime so I agreed. When we got back and he realized things weren't how he had imagined it, he decided to move us all to the states and never come back. I agreed, I was so happy about it," she chuckled just as a stray tear fell onto her lap. I placed my hand over hers and squeezed it gently, giving her the comfort she needed. "A day before we were about to leave, I discovered that I had brain tumor. I was so devastated because during that time, I was pregnant with Abdul. The doctors said my tumor was at the middle stages so there was nothing they could do besides chemo and that my body wasn't that strong to hold a baby so I should abort," a gasp escaped my mouth before I even had time to control it. Abort? That was too harsh. But I understood though, her life was in danger. "I stood my grounds and refused to do it. I said Allah gave this baby to me so He will look after us and deliver the baby safely. Everyone including your father thought I had grown mad because I wanted to keep this baby, but he agreed anyways. When Abdul was born, all our worries melted and that's when I knew I made the right decision of keep him. Which was why I named him Abdul Muhaymin, 'The Protector'." I wiped the tears which had formed in my eyes nodding my head as it all started to make sense. Now I understood why she and Abdul were so close and also why she was she was bent on him not staying here. Abdul was what people referred to as an introvert. He was always by himself and doing things all by himself. He wasn't the type who like making friends so he had close to zero friends. His only friends were me and Mama which was also one of the reasons why she didn't want Abdul staying here. I engulfed her in a big tight hug and caressed her hair. "You are so brave," I whispered and broke the hug. She smiled sadly and sighed staring into space. Now looking at her, I realized what an amazing woman she was. She had always been present for me and Abdul each and every time we needed her. I stared into her blue eyes and took a silent vow, to always protect her and make her happy. Even if it's the last I will do.