Letters From a Betrayed Wife

Letter 8: Remorse

Dean Sean

Yet another letter for me to write and you to read for an attempt to save an already almost dead relationship.

Seems hyperbole to me!

See how important you, your actions are to me and your kids that we want to explore every possibility to give you a chance to prove your remorse!

With your behaviour and actions that torment all of us I don't feel that you are remorseful. You say that you are repenting because of the damage done.

I can't understand what type of repentance and remorse is this?

Yesterday was Sunday. We had our date night on the day before i.e. on Saturday and you were sticking to your phone throughout in the restaurant without any consideration that you need to pay attention to me too. Then yesterday too till night before going to bed you were attached to it as if your life depends on it. 

When I pinpointed about the lack of remorse, repentance and desire to be there to save our relationship, you got angry and then asked me "What exactly does remorse look like?" You say that I keep throwing it in your face about not making any attempts of remorse.

You have never really apologized, although you say that you have already done it. 

You are highly uncomfortable while answering the questions so either you avoid them saying that you don't know/remember or when you answer them I feel that you are not honest. 

You have been super lovey-dovey but that's about it, like you just want to pretend it didn't happen at all. 

You say that you don't find the answers inside a book or on you tube but I think it's not remorse but arrogance. You have been arrogant enough to have incidents of sexual affairs and now very arrogantly you think that you don't need any of that kind of stuff for helping you or us! This arrogance of yours makes you feel that you can heal our ruined marriage on your own like you already know what to do.

 Oh! 

Yes! 

You exactly know that! 

You truly know what to do but what you have done has got us into this mess. Because of your basic refusal to want to talk about it we've not followed even the set boundaries about the future and it worries me. I want to read everything I can find. I've read all the related articles a number of times with a highlight of the steps to be taken and I just do not get why you don't want to do the same? I read and watch everything and get so frustrated that I'm the only one working hard to save our marriage whereas you too talk about our future but what really shatters me listening to you telling people, proudly may I add, about our history. You light up telling people about how we met, when we started dating (including the exact time to the minute) and all about our wedding. While I stand there staring at you in complete disbelief! You seem so proud of our history but had no problem in destroying it brutally with your treacherous infidelity.

In my last letter I told you that attending a therapist is a must for remedial actions but you didn't agree to that till date. Then I gave you the books to read and understand about the trauma caused to me and the need of you to be by my side empathetically and compassionately till I heal. But you have not even touched the books for reading. Neither you listened to the audio books-podcasts or watched the videos from different you tube channels dedicated to this purpose.

Actually you don't want to do any sort of such work on saving our marriage.

When you yelled at me saying, "So you'll find me remorseful when I'll cry and break down like a weak pathetic person. It is never going to happen. Not at least with me in any case."