helena bonham carter one shots

without you.

TW use of drugs, suicidal thoughts and self harm!! this story is really dark so please don't read on if you'll get triggered or don't like to read that type of stuff <3
(haven't read over this whatsoever so i'm sorry for mistakes <3)

"you are fucking pathetic, i can't even believe you," she shouted in my face, her hand on her forehead whilst pacing around the room. once again, another argument broke out, it not even being my fault. she had gotten angry at me as she didn't have the best day, therefore blaming her problems on me. she said 'fuck you', and i said it back, however when i said it it was completely different and i was a terrible person. i grabbed my keys, my phone, a lighter, a spare joint i had in my drawer and a blade, then ran straight past her and through the door.

"really, you're leaving just like that? honestly, what the fuck is wrong with you and your stupid fucking brain." i didn't even bother to make eye contact with the woman as she had completely disappointed me this evening, especially with what she had just said.

i walked until i got to the beach, which only about a 20 minute walk from our house. i leant against the wall, reaching into my pocket and pulling out a joint and a lighter.

"fuck you, fuck this, fuck staying clean," i muttered to myself, putting the end of the joint in my mouth and lighting it, although it was windy and wouldn't light.

"fuck." i shouted, kicking the sand and retrying, this time facing the wall with my hand over the end. it lit and i took a drag, breathing the smoke into the pitch black air. i sat on the stairs, watching the waves come close to my feet but not close enough to wet them.

after smoking almost half, my mind started racing, thinking how much ive fucked up. the last time i was in a depressive state and got high i almost ended my life. however, the woman that saved me last time, isn't here this time. i'm all alone.

clouds of smoke after clouds of smoke, i finished the joint, trying to get every last bit that i had rolled so i could be as high as i could be. i picked myself up, ran up the stairs and started walking along the path.

see, sometimes, when i get high, it takes like 10 minutes to kick in and i sometimes think it hasn't worked. however, this time it kicked in as soon as i started walking. if i tried to think, i lost my train of thought. i didn't know where i was going, i didn't even know where i was. my head felt like someone was holding it in place, like i couldn't move it, except i was wobbling everywhere. my eyes were swollen; red and puffy, like i had been crying for hours.

throughout our argument, i didn't even cry once. helena knows ive been going through a hard time at the moment, but ive been doing well trying to keep clean for her. tonight though, she really went over the top. she blamed all her problems on me, brought up all the things i do wrong, even if they're little. she sat there, blaming me for everything and i didn't even say a word, other than 'fuck you'. that was the only thing i said, and that's when everything got worse.

i felt guilty for saying that, even though i shouldn't. the words that came out of her mouth hit me like shards of glass. i don't know what the fuck is wrong with me? i ask myself the same question every day. she says that as if i know why i'm like this.

i walked and walked, soon feeling a buzz in my pocket. i didn't even bother getting it out at first, i was too lost and i really didn't even know what was happening. i let it go off until i'd finally had enough of the annoying sound, leaning against a wall and then pulling it out my pocket.