Fear Games

5. In Memoriam

After a few more minutes of dry heaving, I pulled my face out of the toilet and wiped sweat off my forehead. As I left the stall and approached the sink, I stared into the mirror, into my own deep blue eyes. Who was the person looking back at me? I honestly wasn't even sure anymore. I was lost before Freddy was murdered, but now I felt even more...gone. Like I didn't fit into this world. Like I didn't belong anywhere.

A knock on the bathroom door startled me, but brought me back to reality. "Coming!" I said, then splashed my face with some water, dried it off with a paper towel, and went to open the door. Standing on the other side was German.

They looked at me with concern in their eyes, but I didn't want to be looked at like that. I just wanted to be left alone.

"Are you okay?" German asked. "I saw you run off—"

"I'm fine," I replied. "The funeral's just getting to my head, but I'm okay. Don't worry about me."

German put out their hand to stop me from walking past them. "Wait a second, Kael, just—"

"Just what?" I exclaimed. "Huh, German? Just what? Because there are no justs anymore. Not after what happened to us. We're in danger. We lost our best friend. And we're supposed to just go on with our lives like everything is fine?"

My friend said softly, "No one is expecting you to act like everything is fine. You're allowed to feel whatever you're feeling."

"Maybe you are, but I'm not," I said. "Now just leave me alone, okay? Let's get this damn thing over with." As I stormed past German, leaving them standing all alone, I thought of turning around and apologizing. But I didn't have any apologies inside of me at this point. I just wanted this all to be over with, but I knew that it wasn't going to be over any time soon. And that was the scariest part of all this.

CINDER

When the service was over, all of us friends gathered outside the funeral home, where the sun was beaming high in the sky. It was a beautiful day, but I knew that none of us felt like celebrating anything in this particular moment. What was there to celebrate when our friend Freddy was dead? How would any of us be able to live with ourselves?

I thought back to what our mother had gone through as a teenager, the amount of lives that she saw lost, she amount of people she saw die. How was it that she was able to have an even somewhat normal, functioning life? I felt like falling apart after just one friend's death. I couldn't imagine losing anyone else close to me.

It wasn't even until Colton put his hand on my shoulder that I realized everyone else had walked away. I turned to face him, his soft eyes staring gently into mine. "Hey, Cin."

"Hi," I replied. "Where did everyone go?"

"They went off to the cars," Colton said. "I asked your mom if we could have a minute to talk."

I knew exactly what he wanted to chat about, and I wasn't exactly up for having this conversation at Freddy's funeral. Ever since we got rescued, I'd been avoiding Colton. The fact that I was even dumb enough to let a boy get in between my friendship with Emerald showed how stupid I was. I didn't deserve any kind of love in my life.

"Colton, listen to me carefully when I say my next words. I can't bear the thought of hurting Emerald more than we already have, and I don't think it's fair to her for us to be together."

"We've already let it get between you two," Colton said. "I broke up with her so that I could be with you. And now you're telling me that you don't want to be together at all?"

The tone in his voice certainly pissed me off. "What do you want me to say? Things changed when we sort of got kidnapped and thrown in an underground bunker to be killed. But yeah, I guess our relationship status is more important than anything else."

I started to walk down the front steps of the building when Colton grabbed my arm. "Can't we just talk about this?"

I spun around, ripped his arm off me, and said, "We just did talk about this. I don't have anything else to say."

Just as I started heading toward my mother's car, I heard Colton call out behind me, "But I love you!"

There were a lot of different things that I could have said to that. Especially in the heat of the moment where I was feeling lots of different things. The only words that I could muster up were, "Yeah, well, I don't love you." Leaving him with the sting of that burn, I got to my mother's car and climbed inside.

Mom was the first to speak. "Are you okay, sweetie? I saw the way he grabbed you. I almost got out of this car and went to kick his ass, but I knew you could handle it."

"I'm fine," I muttered. "He's just an ass with backwards priorities."

My youngest sister, Echo, who was sitting in the middle between Kael and me, said, "He seems like a jerk anyway. You're better off without him."

"Agreed," Kael said.

"Hey now, does everyone in this car hate Colton?" I asked, surprised by all the hostility.

"Honey, hate's a strong word," Mom said. "He just doesn't seem like the right guy for you. Especially since he got in between you and your best friend."

As Mom pulled out of the parking lot to the funeral home, I should have responded to what she said, but something in the distance caught my attention. Behind all the reporters who were still standing outside, I saw someone in a black hoodie. At first, their face was unrecognizable, but then when the light shined on them, it was clear who it was.

"Harlin," I whispered.

"What about Harlin?" Kael asked.

I glanced over at my brother and said, "Look, he's right—" I pointed outside the car, but instead of seeing the killer's helper, all I saw were all the reporters packing up to leave.

"Cinder, are you okay?" Mom asked. The concern in her voice was obvious, despite how much she tried to mask it. She wasn't just asking if I was okay—she was trying to make sure I wasn't going crazy.

"I'm fine," I said again, although I wasn't sure I believed it. "I just thought I saw something I didn't. Let's just get out of here and go home. I think I need a nap."

***

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