Finding Theo

Two

Authors Note: I'll be switching now to first person in Mae's POV. Also I didn't proofread this. At all. Thanks for reading!
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Sat on my bed with my MacBook open to Facebook, I type in his name and pray I get a result. I sit back against the cool, wooden headboard and slowly bite my fingernails as I scroll.

It's very difficult to find a person if you don't know what they look like, especially if you have a name and address to go off. How do I know there isn't eight other Kieran's in the city I've been given? How do I know if he even uses his last name on social media? And then the thought pops into my head, "what if they moved?" I whisper to myself.

"What if who moved, honey?" My dad's figure appears in the doorway with a small smile. He wears his light blue button-up and tan khakis letting me know he's off to work.

I purse my lips and shake me head, "nobody, just a friend I've been looking for." My hair no longer falls down my shoulders as it had growing up, and I rarely leave my room in more than leggings and a hoodie. Currently I wear a baby pink, half-cut hoodie that says 'Smooth' across the chest, I don't exactly know why it says that, and a pair of black and white striped leggings.

My dad simply nods before saying goodbye until the evening. The previous night when my mother had told him about the plane ticket, he was less enthused than she. I made it very clear though that I was flying across the states whether they approved or not. I need to find what I can of my brother, I've waited four years.

I continue to search for Kieran for another 25 minutes using every different option possible but come up empty. I slammed down the screen and push my computer aside before eliciting a frustrated groan. My arms cover my face as my body slides down the bed, allowing my head to smack against the headboard.

"Crap!" I yell as I grab the back of my head. Today is not the day apparently. I climb under the covers with  my hoodie pulled over my head and cover my head completely with my blanket as I think about my upcoming journey.

In one week I will be on a plane for the first time, big mark for myself there, to San Diego. It's definitely more than a couple hours froM my home but I'm confident. I'm going to find Kieran. It's all I've thought about for the last three years since his family wrote to us. Where Kieran is is where Theo is. And I need to find Theo.

UNOS doesn't recommend ever contacting or even meeting families you're connected to, but I can't not do this. I need to know my brother is safe; that he's taken care of.

My thoughts begin to fade together as my eyes close and my mid-morning nap takes over. This is how I have been since graduating high school three months ago, nothing but research and naps. I never planned to attend college, I'm "too special" as the other students used to tell me. "Nowhere would accept a special kid as dumb as you. I mean look at you, you dress like you're 10 and you don't know anything."

Those teenagers are mistaken though as I finish third in my class, but it didn't stop the nonsense spewing from their mouths. Even at graduation, the insults continued and my self-worth continued to crumble.

I've been saving all this money from small home chores and neighborhood tasks, plus what small tips and hourly pay I managed from the bakery I casually worked at, to reinvent myself. When I go to San Diego, there's no coming back here. Whether I find Theo or not, I'm staying there because this is not my home. Middleburgh hasn't been my home since August 27th, 2017.

"Theo, something is wrong. It's like I can't...catch my...breath, I can't-..."

"Mae, it's okay. Just focus on something else," his voice says, though it's warped and faded.

When I open my eyes, I see nobody sitting in front of me, just the bathroom cabinet. My head turns as I look for his voice, but there's no one. The door to my room is open and no one is there either. A pained wail leaves my lips as o remember Theo is gone. He left me, all by myself to suffer through my teenage years.

I sit up violently as I clutch my chest. My face is already wet from the tears and my clothes stick to my body from the layer of sweat covering my skin.

My mom stands in the doorway watching from a distance as I slowly come back to from my nightmare. Except the nightmare wasn't only that, it was a memory. One from a couple years prior when I had a panic attack and had nobody to help me through it. "Honey, are you okay?"

I wiped my face with my hands and nod, "yeah, just a little scare." My eyes turn up to meet her gaze with a small tilt of my lips to come across as fine. But both of us know I am not fine. I haven't been fine in years.

What was supposed to be a brief nap, turned into a 7 hour sleep session and my mom has returned home from work, still in her scrubs and hair flying in every direction.

"Crazy day today?" I ask gesturing to her current state.

My mom smiles and comes into the room to sit on my bed, "like you would not believe baby bug. The good news is nobody died. And what do we say the goal is with each day?" Her hand comes to the back of my head as she begins to pull me to her.

"Everyday without death is a good day," I say as my arms wrap around her neck and I hug her close.

She pulls away and kisses my forehead, "that's right, my sweet girl. I love you so much." She stands and begins to walk away, "I'm going to shower and change before I start some dinner, I'll call for you, okay?" She turns back to look at me for my response.

"Yes mom. I will keep an ear out." She nods and leaves me alone again in my room, alone with my thoughts. Those thoughts we all get in a single second that changes our entire mindset; negative and hateful.

Why the fuck am I even bothering to do all of this? Will it even matter or make a difference in my shitty life? Trust me, I'm not ungrateful by any means. I've just been hurt so badly that thinking of living hurts. I need my support system. And I needed him through every bad point in my life. That's why I'm doing this.

If I find Kieran, I can find enough hope to go on, not that much is needed. My parents couldn't bear to lose two kids. And a small piece of me wants to see my future play out.

-

Past

"Theo?" I call out the window. I look behind my shoulders, both ways, but I don't see anybody. A car has stopped just behind her brothers. A person exits their vehicle looking frantic and scared, yelling something about needing help.

My heart rate starts to pick up as panic sets in. Theo yelled and now he's gone. Instead replaced with another who's yelling for help.

Slowly I open the car door and take a cautious step as my feet touch the pavement below. One hand held on the car and the other on my chest, I make my way towards the back of the car. And then my heart drops. And it feels like I'm drowning, water taking over and filling my lungs.

"Theo!" I scream in a strained voice as I drop to my knees with my hands covering my face. The pain I feel is nothing short of excruciating as I see my older brother, my one friend and best friend even, laying on the ground in front of the stopped car. Blood pools under the side of his head and his eyes are peeked open the tiniest bit. His mouth is open with a faint gurgling noise coming from his throat. The small rise from his chest tells me he's still breathing, but he doesn't move at all. No part of his body moves, and that's when I hear sirens growing louder as they come to the scene. My heart beat is pounding in my ears and I don't know what to even do. I hadn't noticed the older woman crouching next to me rubbing my back and trying to console me. In fact, I don't care that she's even there.

I need my brother.

-

A/N:
This took forever. My apologies. I've been so damn busy with life, schooling, working, and trying to make a baby that I hadn't had time to think about writing.

Obviously I'm sure some things are starting to piece together, I hope. It will be sad, but it'll pick up soon I promise. 🥴 stay tuned for the next one.

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