I hate loving you

Chapter 1

A/N: This was going to be a one-shot, but it turned out to be a complete fanfic with 8 chapters. Why? Because Loki wanted to tell you the whole story, and who am I to say no to my king? Anyway, that's why some chapters will be shorter than others. I apologise!

Chapter warnings: this is set pre-Thor, but like, a week from the movie. You may say there is incest (because, well, we know...).

Please, enjoy and leave a comment!

It all started when Loki was seventeen years old, in Midgardian years. He didn't know that he was a Jotun yet. He wasn't aware of all the lies told by Odin. He was only aware that his complexion was paler than usual, and the rest of the warriors believed him to be weak, but that was because they were ignorant. He had great soldier capacities, and, mixed with his magic abilities, he was almost as good as Thor. Of course, his brother was the warrior, the chosen one, thus no one compared to him. But at least he was proving himself to be a worthy son of Odin. Well, he tried to. Not that the king would notice: he was too busy with his brother. But he tried anyway.

Loki was reading alone in his favourite part of the palace's library that night. Everybody else was partying over some other fight his brother had won. He had cast an illusion so all of them thought he was there when he wasn't. Only Mother would know it, but she understood him better than anyone. She knew how he felt deep inside on those tedious social events.

He was enjoying himself on his own, immersed in his book. But of course, something had to interrupt him. In that case, it was someone.

"Brother, may I speak with you?" asked Thor, coming out of the shadows. Loki had realised he was there twenty minutes ago but decided on ignoring him. He sat on the armchair next to the one Loki was sitting on, so he had no other choice than to talk to him.

"Shouldn't you be at your party?" Loki asked him, putting the book away with a slight movement of his fingers.

"You should too. Yet, here we are." his brother was never that quiet, and there was evidently something troubling him.

"I think your brain is going to explode if you keep thinking. What did you want?" he used his charisma to ease him into the conversation.

"I need to speak with you in private. Can you come to my chambers with me?" his smile was shy, something that wasn't at all usual on him.

"I don't see why not."

They walked down the corridors in silence. Anybody would think that the quietness was awkward, but Loki liked silence. They were the only moments in which he was really able to think. Thor didn't enjoy it one bit, he tended to overspeak just to fill in the silence, but that night he was unbelievably quiet. There was definitely something on his mind, but he said he wanted to speak in private, so Loki didn't ask anything. Instead, he made his "other self" disappear from the feast. Since his brother wasn't there, he didn't need to be there. Nobody wanted him there anyway.

When they reached his brother's private chambers, he opened the door for Loki to pass and then closed it after him. Thor left Mjöllnir on a special table he had there, he took off the upper part of his armour, leaving him naked from the waist up, and then sat on the edge of his bed. His head was hanging low.

Loki looked at Thor curiously. He gestured for him to sit next to him on the bed and he did it, feeling a little bit worried. Loki loved his brother, even if he was the god of mischief and had a wicked way of showing it. Thus, contrary to all his instincts, he put his hand on his naked shoulder, squeezing a little to comfort him. Thor put his hand on top of his but still didn't talk to him. Loki was getting nervous, but probably it was just the fact that he held his hand so tightly that he wasn't able to take it away.