Childish

32

It was dark when I woke up. The curtains were pulled inward and all of the lights were off. The only noise I heard was the sound of breathing nearby.

I sat up and looked down at the floor beside the couch. Alex laid on his back on the floor. He had a blanket covering his legs and stomach and a pillow under his head. There was no way he could be comfortable.

Staying at Monica's wasn't an ideal situation for us. I wanted to be home where I was comfortable and had toys to play with. All I had at Monica's were my stuffed animals. And I knew I'd start to run low on diapers soon. Monica didn't keep a stash of them on hand and I only had my diaper bag. We weren't planning to be snowed in away from home.

As I sat up and looked for Alex, he turned his head in my direction.

"You should be asleep."

I raised my eyebrows at him. "So should you."

He pursed his lips and crossed his arms under his head. "I guess you're right."

I nodded matter-of-factly. "Why are you laying on the floor?"

"You were sound asleep when Monica and I wanted to go to bed. I didn't want to wake you up."

"Well... come sleep up here now. I know the floor isn't comfortable."

"You don't want me sleeping up there with you."

"I wouldn't offer it if I didn't mean it." There were still moments where I didn't like Alex but they were becoming far and few between. I was working to be more comfortable around him and trusting him a hundred percent. After all, if I couldn't trust him, who could I trust?

He sighed and sat up. He grabbed the pillow and blanket and tossed them onto the other end of the couch. He laid down and was careful not to kick me. "Come here."

I crawled over to him, finding a sliver of space between his side and the back of the couch. I got situated in the small space, putting my head on his chest.

"I take it you're feeling better then."

"It comes and goes."

"I'm sure sleep helps."

"I was just asleep."

"You can always use more."

I rolled my eyes. There were some times I wished Alex would step up more as a parent. Yet there were also some times that I wished he wouldn't. I hated getting any kind of lecture or being reprimanded by him. It didn't feel... right. I always felt like I was in trouble for something.

"I think you'll feel better once we're back home. It has to stop snowing sometime."

"How long will it take them to clean all the snow up?"

"We don't get snow often so we don't usually pre-treat the roads but it should be clear by tomorrow afternoon."

I groaned. "That's too long."

"Do you not like being here with Monica? She's not that boring."

"I just... I like being home. I'm comfortable there."

"I didn't think that would happen for a long time. Knowing you, that is."

I tightened my grip on the blanket around me. "It's the only place that I feel safe."

His arms, which were wrapped around me, tightened. "You know you're safe here, Lyla."

I wanted to believe that. I wanted to break down the walls I had built up but it was hard. It was hard to relax in a town where all my worst fears had come to light. I wanted more than anything to shake all that away and focus on my future and what was to come. But even I didn't know what that was.

Was I going to be a baby forever? Would I ever get a chance to grow up and be my own person? It seemed like such a distant thing, like it could potentially never happen.

Yet I had to be hopeful that it would. Otherwise, I'd go insane.

I clutched my bear to my chest willed myself to fall asleep, knowing I'd be okay if I was asleep.