Reach For The Stars (Tommyinnit x Reader)

Chapter 69

" Are you going back to your house? " George asked. " I…  uh.. Yeah I kinda have to Eventually" I spoke softly. " If you don't mind me asking what happened for you not to wanna go back" dream asked as he was making all of us pancakes. I couldn't help but remember what happened last night. 

" You drain everyone in this house because they try to keep an eye on you.  "  I didn't want everyone to watch over me. I don't want everyone to take time out of their day to stalk me.  " I never asked for this"  a tear  rolled down my face. " Neither did I but I'm stuck here now and you're being selfish and not realizing what it does to other people'' I went to open my mouth to speak. I couldn't find the courage to make words come out. 

Five minutes later 

" Where do you think you're going? " he yelled. 

"  Look, I didn't mean to ruin your life with my problems. It was selfish of me to ask you to be my friend. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You don't deserve this, none of you do. I don't know where to go but I'm not going to be here. I'm really sorry. "

I had finally made Will hate me. Just like I did Tommy.  " Am I a bad person" I asked All of them. A tear flowed down my face. The room grew dead silent. The only thing you could hear was the pancake sizzling in butter.  Was that a yes. I had no clue. My heart began to beat faster as I thought about it waiting for an answer. " why would you ever think that" Sapnap was the first to speak.

" I have so many problems. Sometime I feel it takes time out of people's day. I feel like a burden to everyone because they have to watch over me. Does that make me selfish for not being happy for others? Am I not trying hard enough? All I do is cause people pain right. I've made people hate me." I paused for a second

"Even close friends. Does everyone just secretly hate me like I do? That's my biggest fear was that everyone hates me just as much as I hate my self. "  I was having a mental breakdown.  Not a panic attack. Everything was crashing all at once. " I'm sorry I shouldn't have told you that. You might hate me too. That's okay. I'm always alone in the end. " I Responded Quickly. 

" hey hey no one in this room hates you okay '' George walked over and pulled me into a hug.  "Your everything but a bad person. You're the kindest person I have ever met and probably will ever meet. Y/n you make everyone's day when you walk into the room. I can promise you that"  george wiped my tears.

" Just because you are hurting does not mean you're a Burden we all love you the same. Can I ask you something" Sapnap asked. I gave him a quick nodded. " Who said this to you"  I looked down at the floor then at george.  George looked just as pissed. But he knew one thing they didn't. Who caused it. 

"W… will '' I looked up to see horror on their faces. Dream turned off the stove and put the pan to the side. he stormed out of the house with me trailing behind.

  "Dream no '' I yelled but he didn't listen. I followed him into the house as he walked into the living room. Where Will  normal will always be. This time the whole house was there. Great. " What the actual fuck Will" he screamed. Most of the room knew what this was about.   " Why did you come in here yelling and screaming? '' Will looked over and make eye contact with me.   He stood up and dream watched.

" Oh so where did you go last night huh? The Dream team's house. I think maybe you went and slept in the shed''  he responded dryly. " What's wrong with you Will? You would let her sleep in a shed. '' Dream yelled and Phil looked pissed too. Will could have been drunk. Normally he's the sweetest person ever. I don't think he is, maybe he is just very mad and not thinking right. 

"  Oh come on, dream. I've had a whole morning without worrying about her. Tommy's doing great and she's gone with you guys. She Drives me and the others crazy.  I can't even get a second of sleep without worrying. I'm tired of it and now it's not my problem it's yours. '' his words didn't shock me. Dream punched him in the face. 

" SHES A FUCKING KID WHO HAS LOST HER PARENTS AND HER SISTER NOT EVEN IN A THREE YEAR SPAN. NOT INCLUDING SHE HAS TO TAKE CARE OF A FOUR YEAR OLD. ALSO A BREAK UP SHE FEELS TOTALLY GUILTY FOR" he yelled. I couldn't take the yelling and more.

I slide out of the room and ran up stairs. I didn't know some of e was following. I walked into my room and slammed the door. I was everyone's problem and there was no way around it. I drove everyone I loved away. I sat on my bathroom floor crying.  A razor in my hand.

I just wanted peace.  I wanted a world I could never have. I was selfish for that. I never would have thought I would want to go back and change things. Yet I so want to. I would change how I treated Tommy. Would my life be different if I just when home like Tommy asked. I guess I would never know.

My life is so confusing even to and out side eye. I can only question were i just wanna know where I went wrong.  I waited for an answer to come but it didn't and it never would. Why did I think I could be happy? All I wanted was to be happy. Was that too much to ask? I was a dandelion in a Flower garden waiting to be plucked like a weed. The world around me faded to black as I bleed out.

" NO NO NO stay with me love you're gonna be okay. " Tommy's cries could be heard along with his being the only yelling in the house.  " Let me tell you something.  We could be in a field of the most famous people in the world and I would search for you. You made me feel loved. I haven't felt that in a long time. The amount of days I wanted to knock on your bedroom door to apologize I couldn't count. " I had not time to stop talking

"When I leave I don't want you to be sad or angry with yourself. I wasn't made to live in this cruel place. As beautiful as it is, everything has it's broken parts. You made me love something. Myself.  I will forever love you for that. I want you to live your life to the fullest. I will always travel by your side because I'll be in your heart. I believe in you love. Always remember that I love you " with that my I started to wither away. Darkness consumed me. 

"I love you too" was the last thing I could hear. Believe me if I could smile I would.  I felt like I was falling. Falling into an abyss of darkness. I could hear a voice. 

" Darling I've watched you since you were little. You've got places to be here. More than I will ever be promised. You can reach for anything you dream of if you think of it long enough.  Just think of what made you happiest."  My mom's words faded. The words she gave me on my 12th birthday. 

I couldn't never forget. The happiest I ever was? Was i ever really happy though. A memories came to my mind. Yet one stood out like a sore thumb. It was the night Tommy asked me out on a rooftop. The night sky laid above us. 

The stars he pointed out.  I remember how he told me one day that wherever we are in the world we know we love each other because of the stars. My mom told me to reach for what I dreamed of and love the most. What else was there to do other than to listen.

So With that I Reached For The Stars.